The Babymakers


Not pulling out soon enough—its 95 minutes feel like a trimester—the wheel-spinning comedy The Babymakers follows a quartet of doofuses trying to rob a sperm bank. The plan is hatched by Tommy (Paul Schneider), who, after learning that his low seed count can’t get his missus, Audrey (Olivia Munn), pregnant, decides to snatch the last remaining vial of his semen—which he had donated five years ago to pay for Audrey’s engagement ring (leading to the expression “cum diamond,” sort of funny the first of several times it’s said) and is now promised to a gay couple. Directed by Jay Chandrasekhar, who also stars as Ron Jon, a once-notorious member of the Indian underworld who plans the jizz theft, The Babymakers features two of his Broken Lizard comedy-troupe colleagues, but the script is written by outsiders Peter Gaulke and Gerry Swallow (who previously collaborated on Ice Age: The Meltdown and Black Knight). The zippy screwball energy—and fantastic roster of cameos—that mitigated the fratty humor of Broken Lizard’s last movie, the restaurant send-up The Slammin’ Salmon (2009), is missing here, resulting in generic, feeble laffs and an ending as sticky as the pilfered substance.