How To Avoid ‘Cool’ Restaurants


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Quite unfortunately, we made the mistake of eating at a highly hyped, highly recommended Asian “street food” restaurant yesterday and found that it was a lot like many highly hyped, highly recommended restaurants — meh at best.

Now, we’re not saying that a place is necessarily going to serve up sub-par fare just because it’s popular.

Rather, what we’re saying — and this really shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise to anyone who regularly consumes our fair city’s fine food — is that some establishments rely far more on the flashy personas of their chefs and aesthetics rather than their selections.

Though we had promised to write an extensive screed on this motif, we figured that a far better use of time and space would be to come up with a list of some key characteristics of “cool” restaurants, so that you can ID and avoid them — and go to a place that offers edible food instead.

In no particular order…

10. Cocktail waitresses with Skrillex hair

9. Jesusy pics of (perpetually absent) celeb chef

8. Over-neat graffiti meant to establish “edginess” or “street cred”

7. Enthusiastic endorsement from Vice

6. Ironically named plates that tell you nothing about the food, just that the chef has a passing knowledge of cult movies or comic books

5. Deafening noise levels, often exacerbated by vaguely indie rock

4. Hard, backless, infertility-rendering seats

3. Heroin chic patrons who get salad wherever they eat if they eat

2. Menus with junk food motifs

1. “Deconstructed” anything.


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