News & Politics

The McCarren Park Pool Has the Worst Luck Ever


Every week, we are offered another story from the scene at McCarren Park Pool. Ever since the Greenpoint/Williamsburg water venue re-opened last month, there have been a whole slew of fights with teeny-boppers beating the crap out of each other left and right. And, of course, we have heard the more disturbing and gross stories of solid feces floating around in the pool, leading lifeguards to tell everyone to get out of the pool as a decontamination process began.

Yesterday, McCarren Park Pool continued on its streak of ‘shitty’ luck when the pool was abruptly shut down for the day after a strange, brown cloud started to spread throughout the waters. It was soon identified as diarrhea and the Pool’s staff immediately began to chlorine the hell out of the water and the spot re-opened today. The whole scenario is a bit reminiscent of the character Never in the latest episode of ‘Louie’ for anyone who knows the show.
As the pool-goers return to the Pool on this humid afternoon, we are officially declaring that the McCarren Park Pool has the worst luck ever.
But why is the Pool victim to this unfortunate series of events? We do not hear the same kind of stories coming from the numerous other megapools that the City has to offer. Are those swimmers just better disciplined? Or are the instances of fights and feces just a weird coincidence?
When the McCarren Park Pool re-opened at the end of June, everyone heralded the spot as the return of the glorious ‘hipster playground‘ to an area that has vastly transformed since the Pool closed for renovations just a few years ago. And that might be the reason: the Greenpoint/Williamsburg region cannot handle its own public pool right now. In the middle of its cultural rejuvenation, dropping a body of water for leisure in this area may have been too big of a move for the neighborhood.
Here’s a solution: forget the kids; implement a permanent adult swim. No teenagers or youngin’s with overactive bladders allowed!
We love you, McCarren Park Pool. And we’re really sorry we had to say all of this. But… come on.
Full disclosure: I am a resident of the area. And I want to go to the pool really badly. So, please, stop fighting and go to the bathroom before or after your little swim. Please.

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