News & Politics

Nine Things You Should Probably Know About Paul Ryan


Yesterday, after Romney’s selection of Paul Ryan to be his running mate, Michael D. Shear of the New York Times wrote, “If Mitt Romney wins in November, a Tea Party favorite will be a heartbeat away from the Oval Office.” With that being said, shouldn’t we know a little more about the guy?

Regardless of your plans to jump ship for Canada if that actually does happen, it’s nice to throw out some information, especially about the person claiming the infamous No. 2 spot (that “in” in infamous was recently added after the Era of Cheney).

So, here at the Voice, we’ve collected a few fun facts about Mr. Ryan that will make you laugh, make you cry and maybe even make you vote.
1. Paul Ryan may or may not be the twin of the character Gabe, played by Zach Woods, from NBC’s The Office.
2. According to his tax returns, which he must file as a ranking member of Congress, Paul Ryan is the 124th wealthiest Representative with a net worth max-ing out around $3.2 million. In retrospect, that’s about 1.6% of Romney’s total value.
3. Ryan used to be a waiter at a Mexican restaurant. He did so to pay for his unpaid internship with then-Senator Bob Kasten. Irony: he voted against the D.R.E.A.M. Act in 2005.
4. Paul Ryan’s daughter is ten years old. She also knows how to shoot a rifle. Forget about the Palins; Wisconsin is the real Alaska.
5. In high school, Ryan’s superlative was “biggest brown-noser.” I didn’t know what that meant so I looked on Urban Dictionary for an answer. And… it is someone who has his or her head stuck so far up a boss’s ass that his or her nose is brown for obvious reasons. We’ll go with teacher’s pet from now on, though.
6. The Path to Prosperity is the name of the budget Ryan more or less wrote himself in 2011. It made him into the ‘Tea Party favorite’ he is now. It also cuts government spending in half, eliminates taxes on overseas profits, cuts taxes on all income levels, completely dismantles Medicare and replaces it with a voucher program. In Tea Party terms, Paul Ryan is so good, there won’t even be a government left when he’s done with it.
7. According to the Human Rights Campaign, Paul Ryan has voted against allowing gay and lesbian couples to adopt children. Now, go grab him his rifle.
8. Paul Ryan entered Congress in 1999. That year, he voted in favor of the Gramm-Leach-Bailey Act. For those who have done their research, that was that bill that deregulated everything on Wall Street, thus leading to the shitshow we’re in now. And, when the shit hit the fan in Downtown, Ryan voted for the TARP and Wall Steet bailout. He also loves fanning the fire.
9. Paul Ryan is a Green Bay Packers fan. He is a cheesehead.

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