The Worst Broadway Board Commenters, Part 2


The last blog on this topic was an even bigger hit than Springtime For Hitler, so it’s led to the inevitable sequel.

Here goes:

*The ones who haven’t seen a show and have no intention of going, but they have a strong opinion on it and they aren’t budging.

Sometimes they’ll even brag about their refusal to see the show they’re so upset about. As in: “I will not see Newsies because it’s nothing more than Disney pandering by adapting another movie into crass commercial fare for tourists.” And they will then go and on and on about what’s wrong with the show in graphic imaginary detail! My guess is they tried to get comps and were refused.

*The list trolls.

You know, the ones who start threads like, “Name your 10 favorite featured actresses in a period musical written by either Lerner and Loewe, Richard Adler, or a slumming rock star.” Or: “25 reasons why Ghost had to close.” How about: “100 reasons why these commenters should plug up their mouths with old Playbills”? Then again, this very blog is a list, so maybe not.

*The irony-free ones who complain about typos in press releases while sloppily serving their own.

One such commenter recently complained about a release by writing, “wow, did anyone re-read this before sending? There are another of typos and missing punctuation in the first graph….didn’t bother reading further.” Huh? That’s not even English!

*The ones who irritatingly try to sneak in some off-topic threads.

Like “Congrats to Michael Phelps! Well, it’s theater, sort of.” These threads usually get deleted by the web supervisors, but not fast enough. You’d think that a theater board would be completely sports-free (except for the Mike Tyson show–and even that shouldn’t be mentioned, lol.)

*The ones who take time to ask questions that could have much more easily been looked up online.

“What theater is Phantom at? Same one as always?” “Anyone know what time The Best Man starts?” “Who’s starring in Diner the musical? And will it be set in a diner?” Ugh. These people obviously have a computer. Not sure why they haven’t figured out how to use it.

*The acronym trolls.

They keep making comments about “RAHC” for days and days until you finally figure out they mean Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella. And Priscilla to these freaks was TAOPQOTD. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just write Priscilla? (Besides, unlike the movie, the show was just PQOTD, OK?) Similarly, I loathe the people who toss off stuff like “Just saw Linda in a workshop and she was great.” Who the hell is Linda?????? And what in bloody hell was the workshop????? I like feeling insidery, but an occasional bit of information night be nice.

*The ones who start endless threads about stars’ stage door behavior, all while grossly distorting the facts.

In other words, if a star nods politely as the fan gushes about how great they are, the fan posts that “They’re the nicest person on the whole planet!” But weeks later, when they refuse to sign one more piece of merch–after having done this a dozen times–the thread turns into one about “a total bitch who has no respect for her fans! Avoid this cretin!”

*The understudy trolls who post endless scheduling threads detailing when some nobody is going on to temporarily replace some other nobody.

And then comes the inevitable thread about how the understudy was so much better in the role and they deserve a big showbiz break so they can become the star they have every right to be. Nobodies’ agents should work harder at trying to drum up jobs rather than post these threads all day.

*The ones who tantalize you with seductive subject headings like “Streisand Back On Broadway!”

You breathlessly click on it and it says, “Wouldn’t that be great?”

*The ones who are still stuck on Wicked.

And debate endlessly as to who was better, Kristin or Idina.

These arrested adolescents must be 40 by now! Grow up already!

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