Today in Savage Love, which you can read here, Dan brings in Tegan Quin to help a 22-year-old better understand her sexuality, remembers essayist David Rakoff, and tells a professional snowboarder that he should not feel shame about anal stimulation.
Let’s talk about this last topic, shall we?
Explains Butt-Using Manly Man Entirely Distressed: “When I jerk it, I have to put a finger in my asshole to finish. Plain and simple, that’s the only way I can come. I’ve tried to learn to come without the finger, but I can never reach climax. I can’t even come in a girl’s pussy without sneaking a finger in my back door.”
Moreover, BUMMED feels that he has to hide his sexual proclivities. He’s worried that snowboard groupies will think he’s gay, though he has “no problem with other people being gay, just FYI” but “It’s just that you do not want snowboard groupies thinking you’re gay. Girls talk, and then you never get laid again and all of your bros find out you’re sticking things up your butt.)”
To make matter worse, one of BUMMED’s “regular chicks” saw him and “today she won’t return my texts. I want to convince her I was scratching an itch or something. I’m worried it might already be out there that I’m ‘gay.’ How do I learn to come without prostate stimulation?”
For starters, a lot of girls apparently write into Dan, complaining that their boyfriends cant come — and wondering if they’re gay.
Savage says that these dudes probably just need a little prostate stimulation — like BUMMED — and that a good way to start is with butt plugs, no less.
Writes Savage: “Provided your groupiefriends aren’t touching your asshole or looking directly at it, they won’t even know it’s there. And a butt plug might help you break the strong mental association you’ve made between finger-in-hole and climaxing. A few dozen look-ma-no-finger-in-hole orgasms, courtesy of a butt plug, might help you transition to look-ma-nothing-in-my-hole orgasms.”
And though he’s no monogamy moralizer, he has suggested that BUMMED get a girlfriend, so that he can be honest about his sexuality — both with her and his bros.