I try to stay away from the celebrity gossip angle of music, but you guys, the news that perpetually “punk” tween Avril Lavigne is going to get married to fellow Canadian and Nickelback lead singer Chad Kroeger is too good to resist, particularly since every person in my Twitter feed felt like they had to weigh in on it immediately after it broke. Canada jokes! Nickelback defenses! Debates over whether calling the pairing “Chavril” makes them sound like a fancy herb! Musings about the reaction by Avril’s ex-husband, Sum 41 frontman Deryck Whibley! It made waiting in the bathroom line at Jones Beach Theater during last night’s Kelly Clarkson/The Fray show a lot more entertaining, that’s for sure. For your workday enjoyment, here are some of the most chuckle-groan-worthy jokes I came across; feel free to add your own.
9. “in sadder news, the Prozzak guys are amicably divorcing and will share custody of their sitar synth”—Chris Randle. www.nevergetoveryou, indeed. (There was lots of odd Canadian coupling riffage, and I’m always a sucker for a You Can’t Do That On Television reference.
8. Canadians are feeling a bit put upon by the stars in their galaxy:
Britpop had Damon and Justine. We get Chad and Avril. I really miss the Britpop days right now.
— Thierry (@tcote) August 22, 2012
7. Although hey, don’t feel bad, Canada! All this is America’s fault:
To those using
#chavril as an excuse to crack Canadian jokes, remember: they are famous because millions of Americans bought their records
— Stuart Berman (@stuberman) August 22, 2012
6. Yeah, this is my joke. But check out the followup and its F2K callback!
“THIS IS HOW U REMIND ME OF HOW I WAS A SK8ER BOI”
— maura johnston (@maura) August 22, 2012
@maura he was a boy / she was a girl / you look so much cuter with something in your mouth
— Chris Randle (@randlechris) August 22, 2012
5. Speaking of that classic Nickelback track:
The answer to the kind of woman who falls for “you look so much cuter with something in your mouth” apparently is Avril Lavigne
— Stephen T Erlewine (@sterlewine) August 22, 2012
4. A request for Canadian comment:
@nekocase Thoughts on the upcoming Lavigne-Kroeger nuptials?
— M O L (@lifeaquaticBC) August 22, 2012
For the record, Case’s only public comment on the pairing is a head-shaking retweet.
3. But to the important topics—did this news break The Trollgaze Index? Maybe!
I hope Deryck Whibley gives Chad Kroeger a fat lip hahaha goodbye internet we had fun together but it’s time to move on.
— pilot (@pilotbacon) August 22, 2012
2. Sum 41’s now-poignant cover of “How You Remind Me.” www.nevergetoveryou redux.
You can also take sides via this convenient poll on I Love Music. Spoiler: Nobody wins!
1. The Krovigne Twitter. Bio: “hey h8ers, um YA it’s official: its totally on between me and chad kroeger. tweets by me will be signed -a and chad will sign his tweets -chad kroeger. -a” You might not be surprised to find out that “Chad” also types in all caps.