The Six Reasons People Don’t Go To Broadway Shows


Not everyone, thankfully.

There are plenty of folks with the cash and the gumption and the taste for something great and white up on the Way.

But when I ask people who’d rather go to funerals than to a Broadway show just what it is that keeps them away, here are the most prevalent reasons:

(1) It costs too much money.

“I’m not going to mortgage my house and kids to see some drekky bible musical done on the cheap when I can just go to church and throw a buck in the basket.”

(2) It’s gotten way too bland.

“You don’t find adventurous theater there anymore. Everything seems to be pre-approved, familiar, and drained of spunk and spirit. Even off-Broadway, it’s hard to find really adventurous theater. So I’ll just stick to TV, thank you. And yes, I’m aware of my own ironies. They would make a great show, actually.”

(3) Too many revivals!

“I just saw a production of Glengarry Glen Ross, didn’t I?

“And do we really need another Cyrano? Another Heiress? Another Into The Woods?

“I agree with the #2 people! Broadway has more repeats than the Antenna channel these days.”

(4) I don’t want to sit with icky folks from the midwest and their kids, all dressed in soiled T-shirts, slurping on sodas, and noisily talking/texting throughout the show.

“The show on the stage is bad enough.”

(5) I hate the sight lines, entrance applause, gunshots, people sneaking photos, overpriced merch, and lack of an intermission.

“Otherwise it’s really fun.”

(6) It costs too much money.

“Did I mention that already? I mean way too much! Not worth it! Not in this economy! Why pay a ton of money to see something I just saw five years ago? Nope, staying home with my CSI. It’s the real ‘circle of life’.”

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