Conveniently, they’re all in one monologue (below the jump) which the self-deprecating Phyllis performed on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1969.
“You think I’m overdressed? This is just my slip.”
“I got a figure that just won’t start.”
“My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.”
“I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.”
“Would you believe I once entered a beauty contest? I not only came in last, I got 361 get well cards.”
“I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.”
“When I go to bed, I’ve got so much grease on my body, I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.”
“One night I asked Fang to kiss me goodnight. He got up and put on his work clothes.”
“Fang’s breath is so bad the dentist works on him through his ears.”
It’s all there, and more, in the short but hilarious clip that makes me miss Phyllis even more than she missed her mouth with her lipstick!