New York

The 10 Worst Types Of Cab Drivers


I’m writing this from memory since I try to only hail a cab about once a year:

(10) The kind that won’t stop for people of color or anyone who looks different to them.

Ironically, they’re the ones who usually look like they’re from outer space.

(9) The ones who ask where you’re going, then if they don’t like the answer, they just take off.

“What was the right answer?” you want to scream as they drive away.

(8) The douches who put their off-duty sign on the second it starts raining or snowing, so they can negotiate an illegal higher price.

(7) The drivers who talk loudly on their cell phones the whole ride, screaming over the loud music.

You emerge deaf, shattered, and desperate to try subways again.

(6) The ones who purposely go the long way to get where you’re going, assuming you’re a tourist and won’t know any better.

And when you catch them at it, they refuse to turn off the meter as they keep winding in circles.

(5) The dummos who don’t have GPS, don’t know where anything is, and have no idea how to find out.

If you don’t concentrate on where you’re going you’ll end up on Eleventh Avenue when you wanted Eleventh Street.

(4) The ones who speed-drive the whole trip, to the point where your heart is in your mouth.

You plead with them to slow down, but they sadistically pretend they don’t hear you–or maybe they don’t, since they’re screaming on the phone over loud music.

(3) The ones who say belligerent, racist things and get mad when you don’t agree with them.

(2) The ones who haven’t cleaned their car in years.

You find yourself sitting atop coke cans, old McDonald’s refuse, and some used condoms. If you’re lucky, you might find a wallet.

(1) The ones whose faces don’t match the ones on the displayed permit.

As you wonder whether they’re a thief or simply a licenseless person who borrowed a car, you start to wish they’d put their off-duty sign on when you hailed them.

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