Obama Demands Birth Certificate From Innocent Child in Orlando

It’s been three years of bullying for Obama and his origin of birth. Even after he showed us a video of his Miracle of Life ala the opening scene of ‘The Lion King,’ Donald Trump and the army of birthers — an entire sub-sect of our political culture that is named after their one ideology: Obama wasn’t born in America — continued the clarion call for the President’s papers. And this accusation has leaked a bit onto the national stage, with Romney cracking a birther ‘joke‘ a few weeks back ago at a campaign stop.

The President just cannot escape the birth certificate thing, no matter how many times he releases the long-form version or flashes pictures of his mother and father to the press. Needless to say, Obama has become the weak geek whose constantly getting jumped for his lunch money in this only-in-America situation. That teenage angst and isolation boils up over time; soon enough, the geek has the courage to man up to the bullies.

That or simply take out one’s frustration on someone even smaller.

As the Obama train rages through post-RNC Florida, the President made a stop at an Orlando sports bar. He walked in like he owned the place and came across a table with five adults and five kids, who were simply sitting there and watching some football. At the end of the table lied a young, blond boy named Andre Wupperman. As soon as the President arrived, one of the adults pointed out at Andre and told the President that “he was born in Hawaii,” too.

After that, it was all over.

Upon eye contact, the President and Andre proceeded to participate in the “hang loose” ritual, which consists of wiggling your hand in a way that clenches the middle three fingers and lets the thumb and pinkie, well, hang loose. After a few seconds of the Hawaiian form of camaraderie, the President got straight to business and asked the 7-year-old two questions that spelled trouble.

“You were born in Hawaii? You have a birth certificate?”

Along with the rest of the table, Andre had no idea what to do but laugh and act like everything was cool between him and the President. Soon after, the bully of the free world walked out of the bar and gave his nearest Secret Service agent a high-five.

No one was going to mess with Barack ever again.

(Sorry, this story was asking to be written like this. Andre’s just fine.)