Mitt Romney’s Remarkably Political Non-Political 9/11 Speech: A Translation


Presidential candidate Mitt Romney vowed yesterday to keep the anniversary of the September 11, terrorist attacks non-political — no attack ads, no rhetoric, etc.

“There is a time and place for that, but this day is not it,” Romney said yesterday.

Romney, it turns out, was full of shit.

Despite his statement, the candidate then gave a politically charged speech — without actually mentioning President Barack Obama — in which he seemed to try and make up for the fact that he didn’t mention the military even once during his address at the Republican National Convention last month. Below, we’ll translate the more political aspects of Romney’s non-political 9/11 speech.

Romney: “Our armed forces have been stretched to the brink, and that is all the more reason to repair and rebuild. We can always find places to end waste. But we cannot cancel program after program, we cannot jeopardize critical missions, and we cannot cut corners in the quality of the equipment and training we provide.”

Translation: Barack Obama wants to gut the military. I want to give soldiers everything they need. Vote for me! Vote for me!

Romney: “The backlog of disability claims needs to be eliminated, the unconscionable waits for mental health treatment need to be dramatically shortened, and the suicide rate among active-duty soldiers and veterans must be treated like the emergency it is.”

Translation: Barack Obama doesn’t care about our soldiers after they come home from war. Vote for me! Vote for me!

Romney: “America must lead the free world” and “demonstrate confidence in our cause, clarity in our purpose and resolve in the application of our military might.”

Translation: Barack Obama hates America and wants to cut deals with Russia while in the safety of a second term. Vote for me! Vote for me!

Romney: “I wish I could say the world is less dangerous now…[but] we live in a time of turbulence and disruption.”

Translation: People want to kill us and Barack Obama can’t keep you as safe as I can. Vote for me! Vote for me!

Here’s a tip for anyone attempting to make a non-political speech: don’t make it political.

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