Get Ready For The Most Depressing Batch Of Films In History


Something must be in the air–like dire desperation or maybe economic collapse–because the slew of quality films coming your way seems to be drawing a lot from horrifying disasters, both real and imagined, as they go to a very dark place in your wallet.

Yes, some of them are personal awakenings with glowing-through-the-wreckage-style endings, but still, the road to get there sounds rather bleak.

Here’s what’s coming, along with some of their official descriptions and some of my own:

The Life of Pei. A shipwreck leaves a boy alone with a CGI tiger.

Anna Karenina. Isn’t that the one where the lady throws herself on the train tracks? At least that’s better than in NYC, where you get thrown.

The Impossible (see photo). “An account of a family caught, with tens of thousands of strangers, in the mayhem of one of the worst natural catastrophes of our time.”

Zero Dark Thirty. After 9/11, we search for the evil bin Laden for years and years.

Amour. A couple in their 80s are tested when “Anne has an attack.”

Flight. A coked up pilot has to deal with a plummeting airplane and whether he should tell the truth about himself.

Lincoln. Lots of “carnage on the battlefield” as the President fights with cabinet members on the decision to free the slaves.

The Sessions. A 38-year-old paraplegic wants to have sex for the first time.

Rust and Bone. Marin Cotillard as a killer whale trainer who has a horrific occurrence. (“Where did you put my legs?”)

Les Miserables. Well, it’s not called Los Felices.

Django Unchained. Something about “a brutal Mississippi plantation owner”

Killing Them Softly. A professional enforcer investigates a heist. Brad Pitt wields a gun in the poster image.

Silver Linings Playbook. “After a stint in a mental institution…Pat meets a mysterious girl with problems of her own.”

Therese Raquin. “The couple are visited by Camille’s ghost, slowly turning their love for one another into an all-consuming hatred.”

Killed yourself yet?

Need help to get on the train tracks?