Here’s the worst-case scenario:
Your father is Michael Lohan.
Your mother is Joan Crawford.
Your brother is Jermaine Jackson.
Your sister is LaToya Jackson.
Your uncles are Charlie Sheen and Pete Doherty.
Your aunts are Dionne Warwicke and Tan Mom.
Your grandmother is Mrs. Robinson.
Your grandfather is Jerry Sandusky.
Your godmother is Sarah Palin.
Your godfather is Robert Kardashian.
Still want to grow up?
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on October 23, 2012