The big day is a-coming next Wednesday, so it’s time to start trotting out ideas that will be topical, scary, and wildly amusing.
Here are my best suggestions:
The chair Clint Eastwood talked to
Tan Mom dressed like Al Jolson
Travolta‘s masseur, with sticky hands
A Chick-fil-A sandwich with a “Marriage Inequality” sticker on it
Honey Boo Boo holding coupons for possum dinners
Big Bird strapped to the hood of a car
A whole binder full of women
No, wait. That would be too scary.
Maybe just stay home?