So on Monday, New York City’s biggest attention whore, Donald Trump, appeared on the single worst television show of any kind in the whole fucking world Fox News’ Fox & Friends and told Doocy et al that he had found “something very, very big” about President Obama, something with the power to maybe even decimate the president’s campaign, to end the president’s political career, and that he’d let us know today around noon.
Trump, flawed as he is, is undeniably good at keeping himself in the news without actually doing anything newsworthy, so like the beaten pups that we media outlets are, we spent Monday morning on wondering what this wigged kumquat of a man had in store for us.
This announcement could be something and/or nothing at all, but much of the media is playing ball. For something to be as big as Trump claims, it has to be a deal breaker, both politically and personally. There are a couple theories going around. Maybe Trump found evidence that this man is indeed from Kenya, even though we’ve already seen the president’s birth certificate many times now. Maybe Obama’s a secret Muslim (read: terrorist), even though the president is baptized, goes to a Protestant church and has spent the last three and a half years systematically hunting and remotely butchering the absolute shit out of Muslims.
If a tweet from financial writer Douglas Kass yesterday is to be believed, though, Trump’s big reveal is none of this. Per Kass:
HIgh above the Alps my Gnome has heard that Donald Trump will announce that he has unearthed divorce papers between the Prez and his wife.
— Douglas Kass (@DougKass) October 23, 2012
The Obamas celebrated their 20th anniversary on October 3, the day of the president’s poor date performance. But Ed Klein, an author who wrote a book on Obama called The Amateur, made claims that the couple almost split in 2000, and even had the divorce papers prepared. The White House vehemently denied the claims.
But maybe Trump’s got something. The following question, then, is why anyone would care. Never mind that Trump himself is twice divorced and almost ran for president (or that conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh, who will ostensibly spin this maybe-almost-divorce against Obama, is on his fourth wife). The fact remains that they never got divorced, and more important, that they are not divorced.
The Obamas have admitted their relationship was rocky at one point, as all are at one point or another. In not divorcing, the Obamas didn’t do what half of married couples end up doing. If anything, it might be interesting for people to see why they almost broke up, if this is in fact what Trump is peddling. Maybe the papers will say they couldn’t be together because of all his lies about growing up in Hawaii, or because they were spiritually too dissimilar. But who knows? Maybe they split because the dude’s gay.