Everyone’s geshrying over the storm that’s supposedly going to force me to quickly learn how to swim.
But I have an answer:
No, I don’t mean that while we’re underwater, we should grab at the fishies and suck them down.
I mean we should buy a lot of them now–dead, in cans–so in case there’s a power blackout and/or we’re homebound, you’ll have stuff to eat that’s unperishable and doesn’t need to be cooked.
Hopefully you’ll have the strength to open the cans in the midst of all the trauma of stumbling around in the dark.
Just to be safe, maybe it’s best to open the cans now and just leave the suff out on the counter.
Tuna fish is meant to be eaten at room temperature, which is why I recommended it in the first place.
So kindly open cans upon cans of tuna fish, lay them out, and simply wait for the storm.
Oh, and put a clothespin on your nose for three days to plug up the rancid smell.
Oh, and if there’s no blackout and you’re not homebound, just throw out the open cans of fish and go on with your life.
No need to eat the stuff just because you bought it and opened it.
Ick. No thanks.
And make sure you have lots of Air Wick Solids stocked up to clear away the lingering stench.
Who gives better crisis advice than me, huh?
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on October 28, 2012