The Scene At D’Agostino Yesterday At 4 PM


It was bordering on apocalyptic.

There were literally hundreds of people there, the line snaking all through the store, stretching way back to the frozen foods.

So I went to another D’Agostino, and it was the very same eerie scene.

Everyone was being smart, but in panic mode, buying chips, water, bread, cupcakes, beans and anything else they could seize their paws on, to anxiously store up for the horror of Sandy.

And some of them seemed more irrational than others.

After waiting 30 minutes on line, I noticed that the couple in front of me were only buying two tomatoes and an onion!

They had spent a chunk of the afternoon acting out the bizarre process of purchasing a snack that would barely keep a mouse chewing for two minutes, let alone a human for three days.

“Fools!” I scoffed to myself, feeling so superior. “People are such oafs in a crisis!”

And then I looked down and realized I was merely holding two cans of stewed tomatoes and a can of olives.

Never mind.

But the truth is, I’d already procured enough cans of tuna to feed the Norwegian army!

Like a smart consumer and sassy survivalist, I’d done it several days before!

When assigned a project, I always dive into it immediately and thoroughly, even when it’s a project this grim.

The tomatoes and olives were just a side dish.

And I already have tons of bagels.


Anyway, be safe everyone.

The only good thing about all this is that is makes me feel very young, because I feel like a teen in one of those a-disaster’s-about-to-hit exploitation flicks.