Here’s What Merch Different Broadway Shows Should Sell

Enough with the T-shirts and mugs. How many can one tourist really ever need?

I’ve decided what the following Broadway shows should be really be hawking:

Spider-Man: Turn off The Dark: Raid

Wicked: Green paint remover

Glengarry Glen Ross. Crummy real estate

Annie: Fright wigs, googoo eyes, and a dog that knows its cues

Evita: Shoes. Yes, I know that was Imelda, but still.

Nice Work If You Can Get It: A job

Mary Poppins: A spoonful of something hallucinogenic.

The Book of Mormon: An extra wife.

Scandalous: The Life and Trials of Aimee Semple McPherson: A soul.

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf: A glass of “bergin”

The Performers: Lube and hand towels.

All right, I stole that last one from the Broadwayworld chat board.

Maybe I need to go to the Aimee Semple McPherson show and buy a soul.