Iranian Technology, Gays, Women’s Suffrage All Credited With Causing Hurricane Sandy

Hurricane Sandy was caused by Iranian technology that’s capable of controlling weather patterns to punish Iran’s enemies and the enemies of its friends. The reason the storm hit New York so hard is because God is punishing the Empire State for defying his word and allowing gay people to get married.

But what really caused the storm was “American arrogance” — it’s just nature’s way of giving the U.S. a “divine slap” for its godless policies, including allowing women to vote.

Those are just a few of the theories laid out on the blogosphere by morons who unfortunately are allowed Internet access.

The Iranian technology theory is provided by a pro-Syria group that claims Iran has “highly advanced technology” that can manipulate weather and create “superstorms” to hurt its enemies.

The best part: The group has “sources.”

“Sources confirmed to us that Hurricane Sandy that is slamming the U.S. was set off by highly advanced technologies developed by the heroic Iranian regime that supports the resistance, with coordination of our resistive Syrian regime,” the News Network of the Syrian Armed Forces posted on its Facebook page this week, according to a CNN translation.

The worst part is some people actually are buying this bullshit.

“Why are you surprised by such a heroic act that our special forces carried out with the help of the Iranian experts?,” one person commented. “Yes this is the great work of the brave lions of Syria in retaliation to the evil conspiracy against our great nation. We will have our victory even if it will take some time.”

As for the gays causing the hurricane, the logic is simple: God is punishing America because if its “pro-homosexual” policies.

“Obama is 100 percent behind the Muslim Brotherhood which has vowed to destroy Israel and take Jerusalem. Both candidates are pro-homosexual and are behind the homosexual agenda. America is under political judgment and the church does not know it!,” religious nutjob/total fucking idiot chaplain John McTernan wrote in a rambling, idiotic blog posted on his website this week.

Of course, if you want the real reason the Northeast was hit with a crushing hurricane, look no further than Elizabeth Cady Stanton.

“The fact that Ohio housewives will determine who should occupy the White House to decide on such weighty issues as dealing with the Middle East, Iran’s nuclear program or U.S. relations with Russia is quite amusing, and revealing,” a blogger for Crescent International — which bills itself as the newsmagazine of the Islamist movement — wrote earlier this week.

“This is what American democracy is all about. But for now, Hurricane Sandy, as a divine slap on the face of arrogance, is smashing its way through the Eastern Coast of the U.S.”

So there you have it — if you were wondering why your car was devoured by the East River, you have no electricity, or why New Jersey is still underwater, the fringe lunatics of the blogosphere have your answer.