I Voted And It Felt Like A Kiss


Something about seizing your smallish yet potent power in the scheme of things and exercising it to try and make a difference is like an aphrodysiac, and I have to admit I was greatly aroused while doing so this morning.

It felt kind of hot and titillating.

It’s generally the same feeling I’m overcome with whenever I take down a misbehaving bigshot in my blog or column–the sense that I’m grabbing the power back and using it for world betterment.

The voters’ line snaked for an intimidating length, but I chose to see it as inspiring, everyone else also showing up to get turned on by using their right to make a statement.

(And the whole process only took 45 minutes. Wham, bang, thanks, let’s have lunch.)

But there were a few glitches, I should add.

Since the line was so long and tight, people would occasionally bump into each other, purely by accident.

And after my bag lightly hit the bag of the woman in front of me two times, she totally lost it.

“You know, pushing into me isn’t going to get you to vote any faster,” she snarled, voting for some diva behavior.

“Sorry,” I said, unaware that this was such a major crisis compared to what was really at stake.

“I’m just a little spastic.”

She then laughed and started making lighter remarks–aware that she’d overreacted–but I pulled back about two inches, plastered on a fake smile, and ignored.

Meanwhile, once we were inside, some of the oldies seemed to have assumed they’d be doing the old lever-pulling trick.

But you had to fill out the ballot, then bring it to a scanning machine, and slide it in, as it were.

“This is ridiculous!” a man was bellowing. “It’s a nightmare!”

I’m not sure why, exactly. It turned out to be pretty easy, especially with the people there to guide you through the process.

Also amusing was the guy who asked if he could crash to the front of the scanning line because he had to get back to work in 10 minutes.

At first, the helper said, “Maybe I can scan it for you,” then she correctly decided he should just wait, especially since the line was moving anyway.


Oh, well. I’m still aroused, and am planning to either work it like a vixen tonight or shoot myself, depending on the results.

If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, you can have my costume jewelry.