Pete Wells’s uncensored review of Guy Fieri’s Times Square hangout took a turn for the, um . . . rhetorical. But other reviews (and one personal essay from our Nick Greene about the restaurant’s opening night) had some thoughts on Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar.
They found interesting ways to describe the food:
“An awkward origami of clashing aleatory flavors.” [NY Observer]
“Emulsified with a bombastic recasting of deep-fried American myth.” [NY Observer]
“A Sickly-sweet affair that pleases when you’re drunk at 2 a.m.” [NY Post]
“Creamy Parmesan sauce could moonlight as engine lubricant.” [NY Post]
“Woefully unawesome.” [VV]
“Sopping wet.” [VV]
“Critic-scorned slop.” [Time Out NY]
And remarked on what the servers were like:
“Grin[ned] like Mephistopheles.” [NY Observer]
“Studied the half-chewed pork, slaw, salmon, mashed potatoes, and maybe moon rocks we’d left on our plates.” [NY Post]
There was a joke about Flavortown:
“Miss[ed] the bus to Flavortown.” [Time Out NY]
There were thoughts on “donkey sauce”:
“Guy tasted the sauce and said one would have to be an ass to dislike it. Hence, “Donkey” sauce.” [VV]
“. . . How could things like ‘Unyawns cajun chicken ciabatta with donkey sauce’ not be awful?” [NY Post]
“A noxious blend of mayo, mustard, roasted garlic and Worcestershire.” [Time Out NY]
Some were even kind of nice!
“Still, the cooking here could be much worse.” [Time Out NY]
“One good dish squeaked through: juicy, braised pork shank which, while tasting not at all of the promised General Tso, peeled easily from the bone.” [NY Post]
Well, maybe Guy likes the food.