12 Songs for 12/12/12


Well, shit–JUST when we’d finally recovered from 11/11/11, here comes the titanic saturnalia we like to call 12/12/12! So hey, here’s 12 songs with “12”/”twelve” in the title, because what the fuck else.

Bob Dylan
“Rainy Day Women #12 & 35”
‘Cause everybody must get stoned, especially if 12/12/12 marks the end of the Mayan calendar and thus THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.

“Prelude 12”
Some people regard Styx’s “Prelude 12” as merely the shrimp cocktail to the prime rib feast that is “Suite Madame Blue.” But we think this minute-twenty-one of 12-string (more 12s!) guitar grandeur ranks as one of the most splendiferous slices of music in the history of music. This instrumental is equally suited for quiet reflection, sexy times, and topping off the mood in your Wiccan candle shop. Plus, anything that keeps Dennis DeYoung’s ghastly voice at bay, even for just a brief shining moment, is all right by us.

The Beatles
“12-Bar Original”
Here’s a long, lame, “lost” Beatles tune from 1965 (recorded for the Rubber Soul sessions and wisely scrapped) that should never have been found, but was, and slapped onto 1996’s Anthology 2 cash grab. Just think, if Noel Gallagher had heard this circa 1992, Oasis might have just been a shitty instrumental blues band instead.

The Mamas & the Papas
“Twelve-Thirty (Young Girls Are Coming to the Canyon)”
“I used to live in New York City/Everything there was dark and dirty/Outside my window was a steeple/With a clock that always said twelve-thirty.” Yeah, Laurel Canyon–so much better. Especially when Charles Manson was your neighbor. (Actually, the less we think about creepy John Phillips sub-titling this tune “Young Girls Are Coming to the Canyon,” the better.)Pat

“Twixt Twelve and Twenty”
Remember when Pat Boone did that metal album? That was awesome.

Nick Lowe
“12-Step Program”
In case you hadn’t heard, Nick Lowe is a fucking GENIUS. And this is one of our favorite lyrics ever: “Well a little taste was all that it took/To get me well and truly hooked/Take a look at my arm you won’t find a track/But I’m suffering baby/While I got you on my back.” Nick Cave should totally cover this.

Jurassic 5
Just be happy Jurassic 5 split up a few years ago instead of going down the same road as Black Eyed Peas.

Type O Negative
“12 Black Rainbows”
Presented without commentary, late Type O Negative frontman Peter Steele’s entry at Urban Dictionary:

Modern English
“Chapter 12”
Be honest–when was the last time you heard a Modern English song that wasn’t “I Melt With You”? Oh right, there’s a reason for that. At first we thought maybe this song was about Chapter 12 bankruptcy which allows farmers and fishermen to reorganize their debts, but that was added to the U.S. bankruptcy code in 1986 and this tune came out in 1984 (plus they’re British, so whatever they might have to say about our financial thingamabobs means fuck-all). Anyway, now we’re pretty sure this song is about the “Cyclops” chapter in James Joyce’s Ulysses.

Gay Dad
We know–you’re thinking, “B-b-but this stunning song’s not on MY version of Gay Dad’s stupendous 1999 debut album, what gives?!” Well, this was a BONUS track on the JAPANESE version, suckers! Stinks not to be able to jet over to record shops in Tokyo whenever you damn well please, doesn’t it? Actually, you’re probably thinking, “Who the fuck is Gay Dad?”

Insane Clown Posse
You didn’t think we would get through this listicle without throwing in the winsome, literary chamber-pop of the Insane Clown Posse, did you? Well, every Juggalo we know can count to 12, so there.

The Muppets and John Denver
“The Twelve Days of Christmas”
And of course you didn’t think we’d get through this listicle without THIS particular ditty, right? At least we’re giving you the fucking Muppets and John Fucking Denver. If you don’t like this, you’re a horrible person. See you 13/13/13! Erm…

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