My Least Favorite Types Of Award Speeches


You might recognize some of these from the other night. Some of the offensive speeches were actually combined into one big icky speech by the same person.

(1) The kind that makes a point of singling out the four people you beat and saying how great they are.

No matter how sincere, this always comes off patronizing and self-serving. It’s rubbing in the fact that the other four nominees are so incredibly brilliant, and yet they didn’t win–you did. And it’s forcing the four losers to sweat and fake-smile on camera for sadistic amounts of time, while they haven’t even processed their defeat yet.

(2) The type where the winner starts by thanking the award groups for so many years of loving her!

“You have shed honor on me for 150 years now…” It’s a way of reminding everyone that they’ve won a whole bunch of these trophies. Again, no matter how heartfelt, this is the kind of thing you should leave to our memory banks–or google searches.

(3) The kind where the person gloats about “my cast” and also praises the “bravery” of everyone involved to keep going after the first season’s success.

That doesn’t seem all that brave to me.

(4) The kind where lots and lots of names are thanked, but one crucial one is conspicuously left out–like your costar.

The Freudian slip (or maybe it’s intentional) makes me deeply uncomfortable. That much realness I can’t take at an event designed for phonies.