Bloomberg Gets in Everybody’s Pants This Week


Today, Bloomberg becomes the first mayor to lay claim to a sixth borough: the supple flesh hidden beneath our pants.

Oh yes, there’s nothing like a good body part to get our outgoing mayor’s juices flowing. A New York magazine feature on his possible replacement, Christine Quinn, was completely overshadowed by a comment Bloomberg made to the reporter while admiring a party guest: “Look at the ass on her.”

Earlier this morning, Bloomberg proved that he’s an equal-opportunity objectifier, complimenting Joe Biden on his fleshy bits: “You know, Joe Biden, you can joke about him all you want, he’s got a set of balls and says what he believes,” the mayor told Politico, regarding the vice president’s supportive comments about gay marriage last year.

So, even though Bloomberg reportedly sleeps next to a pillow that reads, “How Many Heterosexual Billionaires Are There, for Crissakes?” in delicate needlepoint, we encourage wanna-be sugar babies of all genders to start mailing their applications to the mayor’s office. You never know, you might get lucky.

And we already know Bloomberg is game for a hook-up; as he told the Guardian back in 1996, “I’m a single, straight billionaire in Manhattan. It’s like a wet dream.” He’s trying to spend all his money before he dies, so who knows? Maybe he’ll spend it on you. Just make sure you flaunt dat ass and/or balls.