Scott Walker woke up one day last week (if he indeed sleeps) and decided to cover “Scream & Shout” through the body of comedian Adam Buxton. It is the best thing that has happened to the song since someone in will.i.am’s recording studio said “Hey, maybe we shouldn’t make this song because it’s pretty shitty” but no one listened. Here are three reasons why.
–Scott Walker 30 Century Man: Melodrama, Studio Footage, and Fucking Sting
–Britney Spears Covers Madonna, Because Hey, Why Not
–Will.I.Am Kickstarts The Perhaps-Inevitable Trend Of Naming Albums After Hashtags
The Title Is Taken Literally
The worst thing about the original version of “Scream & Shout” (there’s just one worst thing?) is that it doesn’t make anyone want to scream and shout. The song actually prompts the exact opposite reaction. It’s boring and flat and the most interesting thing that happens in the music video is when Britney Spears gets shaken out of a coma-state every 30 seconds to give her signature stunned-deer twitch. It just doesn’t live up to the hype.
Fake Scott Walker actually makes me want to scream and shout. His cold and ominous vocals seep through otherwise healthy ProActive™ skin like the bite of a rare poisonous spider. Fake Scott Walker hypnotizes the listener and pulls them deeper and deeper into his web, but once the urge to flee sets in, it is far too late. This new age religious occult of sound is not something to be left behind. And once Fake Scott Walker says, “Turn it up and burn the house down…Here we go, we gon’ shake the ground… cause everywhere that we go we bring the action…” it is no longer a song. It is an order that must be obeyed while screaming and shouting with a group of other rabid converts.
His Weird Accent Is Real
Oh, forget the thing about how the worst part about the original “Scream & Shout” is how its title is a lie. The worst part about Scream & Shout is whatever accent Britney Spears uses to sing-talk. I don’t think the country of that accents’ origin exists anymore, and it probably doesn’t exist anymore because it’s really terrible to hear people speak that way. It’s never explained, either, almost like everyone involved in the creation of this song expected people to accept the sounds coming out of her mouth without asking any questions. Luckily, Fake Scott Walker’s cover offers a fresh breath of authenticity.
Real Scott Walker was born in America and emigrated to England in the 1970s and channeled himself into the body of native Englishman Adam Buxton a few days ago to make this song. So unlike Britney, his trans-Atlantic sound of schizophrenic English sing-talk is genuine and compelling. His vocal performance prompts the same question as Britneys’ – “Why is this happening?” – but in the pleasant reverie of just having drank the purple cult koolaid sorta way.
It Is Next Level Shit
will.i.am tries hard. I know he does because he says so himself. And props for that! Trying hard is almost always a good trait to have. His personal fortitude to try hard with his music and personal image as a humble-black-hipster with non-swag-swag reminds me of my personal fortitude to try hard not to roll my eyes whenever he talks about those things. But even he would have to admit that “Scream & Shout” doesn’t live up to anyone’s standards. In every beat and lyric and note, there is no revolution. Fake Scott Walker brings the revolution.
Every instrument and sound effect ever invented makes an appearance in Fake Scott Walker’s cover. At one point in Fake Scott Walker’s cover, I don’t even know what sounds are being made anymore. It is hypnotic. It is a journey through time, space, and genre. It is the equivalent of gospel for believers in experimentation and innovation everywhere. But most importantly, it is certifiable next level shit that will.i.am only has fleeting wet dreams about.
Now the only possible thing left to do in the endless M.C. Escher staircase of next level shit that is the evolution of music is for Real Scott Walker to do a cover of Fake Scott Walker doing a cover as Real Scott Walker. Thanks in advance.