The recent Golden Globes telecast was so rivetingly entertaining that the Oscars need to do exactly what they did in order to approach watchability on February 24.
IMHO, they should:
*Tell Seth MacFarlane that he will now have two cohosts–Tina and Amy. They were brilliantly wry and need to be added to the Oscar lineup immediately, regardless of others’ contractual needs or hurt feelings.
*Eliminate all tributes, montages, and special segments. Hollywood stroking itself for all of its obvious blockbusters through the years is so ghastly-boring I can barely look up from my Crunch ‘n Munch. Just add lots of funny presenters like Will Ferrell and let them riff. Create some new magic, and keep it witty, folks.
*Get rid of the Best Song category, which would mean no more performances of five tunes you’ll never hear again. Yes, Adele should be pretty good this time, but otherwise, this category is a ball and chain that generally brings things way lower than they need to be. They had the right idea last year, when they could only think of two nominees, so they didn’t even bother to perform them. Anyone find yourself singing “Man or Muppet?” in the shower lately?
*Add awards for TV shows, like the Globes do. That equals more celebrities in the room and therefore lots more excitement. Maybe add awards for music too–and for theater, commercials, fashion, food, and animals, what the hell.
*Serve lots and lots of booze. That equals livelier celebs in the room!
*Get a celebrity to come out of the closet, but in a defiant, pissy way, while claiming they were always out. Have her sitting with a neo-Nazi and introduced by a recovering addict.
Make all those changes pronto and I assure you the Oscars will win an Emmy next year!