All the gals were hot, with their talent ranging from dirty monologues to Madame Butterfly numbers to occasional live singing, but just look at this lady.
She’s special (and not just special school).
With her hairy chest, ripped fishnets, smeared lipstick, and hapless demeanor, Ari is a riot–the new Divine, but even more of a mess.
I’ve judged a lot of these things and the plus-sized, funny one usually loses to a skinnier hooker, but I was thrilled that Ginger Snapt, Stella D’oro, Kate McAllister, and I–the esteemed judges–agreed on having a Kiki.
As host Tina Burner announced her as the winner, I prepared to duck for cover and run out for fear of lynching, but the crowd was actually OK with it.
We have won the culture wars.
Congrats also to runner up LeeLee Heavenly, second runner up Jada Valenciaga, and all the others, like saucy Sabel Scities, fashion-conscious Jesela Versace, panda-licious Kimchichi, and Charmagne Aultra (who was sexy and fun until her Q&A answer about fingering a black man’s rear. Not offensive at all, it just went on too long. Not the fingering, the story. Anyway, I’ll shut up now.)