So many reality shows, and so many of them are terrible. But people watch this stuff, despite feigning revulsion. “Trash culture” is on the rise, and with everyone from Consequence to The Game landing “roles” in a reality show, we wanted to get in on the action and list some potentially quality programming that would pair our favorite rappers of the day with reality shows we loathe/love. Tell VH1 to holla at me, man. The outcome of these unions might learn the viewers a thing or two. At the very least it would make for entertaining television with the only casualties being the hair pulling, sleeper-holds and ruinous affairs you see on other shows. Places, people!
Pusha T on Travel Channel’s Trip Flip Replacing host Bert Kreischer, Pusha would take viewers along as he maneuvers through Bolivia, Columbia, Peru and all the other countries he references in his music. It’s a dangerous trip due to the instability of the region and (save for the homey Evo Morales representing Bolivia) potentially volatile situations. Thankfully Pusha knows Papi (all of them) on a first name basis and so a proper guide is provided through out.
Gunplay on Discovery Channel’s Sons of Guns With such a trigger-happy rap name, Richard Morales, Jr. would be a great co-host for Sons of Guns. He can even swap stories of legal headaches with Will Hayden, the man who the show is centered around. No rapper would be better suited for the show, except maybe TI, but he already has his own reality show wave going.
Action Bronson on Food Network’s Paula’s Best Dishes Cake mixing and mastering at it’s sugary best, this one almost didn’t make the list because it’s such a “Duh, no shit” concept. It’s a wonder no network has picked up this no brainer for a few seasons or at least shot a pilot for it. Bronson and Paula Deen could bake some desserts and then get baked themselves on Bronson’s signature G Pens. Plus she says “Butter” and “y’all” like a rapper.
Curren$y on Discovery Channel’s Chasing Classic Cars Who wouldn’t want to see Andretti restoring American classics and racing them once completed? With a collection that boasts a pair of Bentleys, a Corvette, a Ferrari, a couple of 1996 Chevy Impalas and a the cleanest El Camino you ever did see he’s just the person for the job. And you just know each episode will be concluded with a hotbox session.
Uncle Murda on CBS’s Cold Case Holding the dubious distinction for being NYC’s “most dangerous precinct,” the 75th Precinct in East New York sees more than their fair share of homicides. Many of them go unsolved. Enter Uncle Murda. He can lead the teams of investigators and CSI Units solving some of these murders. Then again, when the evidence they gather pointed back to Uncle M or one of his homies he’d murder and graft may ensue. Scratch this one actually.
Trinidad James on History Channel’s Vintage Pickers “I don’t really fuck with specific name brands [clothes],” says the Atlanta golden child. “If it’s dope, I just like it. That’s why I like vintage.” Say no more Young TJ. We’re going to give you a shopping budget and let you scour the racks of vintage spots and thrift stores until you come up with the timeless jewel of yesteryear. Just watch.
DMX on Animal Planet’s Pitbulls & Parolees Being a dog lover and a parolee DMX could give Tia Torres some advice with a show based around his post prison experiences and his love for canines, and Pit Bulls specifically. He wasn’t the best dog owner at times (he was convicted of animal cruelty in 2009) but a good staff could handle that aspect of the business. His love for dogs and understanding of the breed would make for some good programming. The only substantial challenge would be keeping him off the krillz.
See also: Top Ten Great DMX Shenanigans
Sean Price on Spike’s UFC Aside from shouting out Royce Gracie on “Gunz N Onez,” Sean P’s distinguished knuckle game has been fodder for urban legends since he was the leader of Triggacons, a subset within Brooklyn’s nefarious Decepticons. Since those days he’s been raising a family so the ass whippings are fewer and farther between, but he’ll still hook off. Would be interesting to hear him talk the science of scrapping with Joe Rogan while sitting around the Octagon.
Nas on UPN’s Divorce Court The Green Dress would still be in his lap as he passes judgment on anyone resembling Kelis (or Carmen Bryant for that matter) and deadbeat dads who aren’t more conscious of the way they raise their daughters. At the end of every episode Nas would make Rick Ross, moonlighting as a court officer, freestyle about the days events.
Fat Joe on NBC’s The Biggest Loser: Now that Fat Joe is Husky Joe producers can slap a Sergio Tacchini warm up suit on him and have him insult and threaten the contestants into losing weight as the host. Rick Ross could make a cameo too as a contestant eager to shed man boobage. Oh, and every segment would begin and end with a Big Pun’s “It’s So Haaard.” Word.