With Benedict taking off his gown and vacating, we need a new Pope pronto, and I just happen to have one:
“Who?” you heathens ask.
She’s the lady who became famous for Pam cooking spray commercials, gushing about how one squirt of Pam meant that eggs, oils, and all sorts of other icky things won’t stick.
With Carmelita in the Vatican, the Church’s dirty politics, hate mongering, and constant use of oppressive tools won’t stick!
Even the messes various priests make on those poor altar boys won’t stick!
So let’s vote for Pope Carmelita Pope.
Oh, she’s not interested?
OK, I’ll stick with Ellen then.