Valentine’s Day Special: The Soundtrack of Love, Behold… The Arctopus Style


Along with nomadic klassi-killing virtuoso Mick Barr, prog-metallic shape-shifters Dysrhythmia and death skronking punk-jazz unit Child Abuse–those meticulous magicians of tech-metal brutality, Behold… The Arctopus–have helped usher in Brooklyn’s experi-metal renaissance into kingdom crush.

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Anchored by none other than Flying Luttenbachers mastermind, ugEXPLODE Records chief and improvising terrorist Weasel Walter and aided by duelling Warr guitar-slinger Colin Marston (also of Dysrhythmia, Gorguts, Krallice and proprietor of Menegroth, Village Voice’s choice for 2012’s Best Recording Studio) and notes-mongering ax-grinder Mike Lerner, Behold… The Arctopus marked its return late last year with the exhaustive masterpiece of cutthroat precision, Horrorscension.

On the cusp of embarking on a tour launching in March, Walter, Marston and Lerner will first spread their love in the form of metallic warfare inside the heaviest of all metal hubs, Saint Vitus, on this, the most romantic of days. Expect lots of brainiac guitar string-finger-fuckery and mind-numbing thrashtastic penetration during bruiser epics “Deluge of Sores” and “Putrefucktion” while you canoodle with your honey.

In honor of the year’s lovey-dovey-ist holiday, we caught Walter and Lerner in a sentimental mood and shit (Marston wasn’t feeling it) and they were kind enough to provide their soundtrack of love, Behold… The Arctopus style.

Behold… The Arctopus celebrate Valentine’s Day at Saint Vitus tonight with Vektor, Vaporizer and Pyrrhon


Ratt: “Lovin’ You’s A Dirty Job”
Mike Lerner: Deep down I’m sure this is a sweet love song but on the surface it’s raunchy and I imagine all of the ‘dirty jobs’ that go along with love making. Plus it kinda negs the woman suggesting she’s gross and nobody else but me can take care of “business.” I have a thing for 80s male chauvinism.

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J.Geils Band: “Love Stinks”
Weasel Walter: A classic sentiment and video, directed by Chuck Statler, the genius behind the early Devo films like “The Truth About Devolution.” An old guy playing two trumpets at once on a pogo stick and a guy playing snare drum with a fish? Now you’re talking.

Aaliyah: “Rock the Boat
Lerner: Aaliyah was hot and died too soon. I hate when hot chicks die. This song’s lyrics read like an instruction manual that I routinely follow whenever pleasuring a hot chick. Which is often. Many hot chicks owe owe their pleasure to Aaliyah.


Jilted Brides Left At The Altar
Walter: The Weez has a thing for Diane Sawyer. And jilted brides.

Van Halen: “Hot for Teacher”
Lerner: Maybe the number one teenage boy fantasy is boning that one teacher who’s about 26, wears that low cut blouse and smells like heaven. Plus David lee Roth rules.

See also: What Does Sammy Hagar’s Dick Look Like? A Chat With Home Blitz About Van Halen

Urinary Tract Infection From Sever Pus Clots: “Untitled”
Walter: This is just the thing to get you lovers in the mood.

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