For every insightful conversation I have heard or had at SXSW over the years, whether it was talking to Matt Pinfield while walking the streets of Austin talking about David Bowie, or telling The Clash’s Mick Jones that he was in fact, in The Clash, I have overheard a thousand awful ones.
– The Five Biggest Sellouts at SXSW
Years of eavesdropping on troglodytes trying to talk “shop” or listening to people to with horrid musical opinions waxing poetic about a band that should have been aborted should have hardened me to humanity in Austin, but instead I just keep trying harder to listen.
For blog’s sake, of course.
Here are some of the dumbest, most dogshit things I have heard so far this SXSW. Where applicable, I will fill you in on the locales and circumstances.
“OK, I mean like, I’ll vomit on your car.”
These words came from a prim and proper blonde girl I passed by at the Sound City Players show. I don’t know if she did vomit on his or her car, but I hope she did.
“Can we pay you in weed to take us to Wendy’s?”
Apparently pedicab drivers are only here to ferry drunks to get spicy nuggets.
“All I need in this world is more Doritos tacos.”
I thought that too after having just one, but after eating six more on a dare, colors seem duller, and my sense of direction is shot. Class-action lawsuit, here I come!
“Suck my dick suck my dick suck my dick….”
The art of romance, as exhibited by a young man in a group of ten on Sixth Street, hollering at a pretty girl. The wedding is next spring.
“I saw that Paul McCartney will be here…”
Me, not hip to the fact that all the SXSW golf carts have cute names, and easily duped by pictures on Twitter.
“I would like to think I sexed it up a little.”
Said a man with a platinum badge, in reference to his ID photo on said badge. He vanished before I could confirm.
“If Lil Wayne dies, I think I will die too.”
Agreed, a bit of us all will die if Weezy dies. But we have an obligation to carry on, and maybe one day die on Mars.
“Spare change mister, anything will help.”
Spoken by a guy in fresh converse, a Ramones tee, and an expensive-looking flannel. Keep Austin weird indeed.
“I premiered a new music app last week…”
Guhhhhhhhh, of course you did. We all did. Mine just came out too. Call me when you cure cancer.
“At Sout By Sout Wess, all your dreams can come true, yo.”
If by dreams you mean scuffed sneakers, hatred for your fellow man, and a mad case of chafing, then yes, SXSW is the Dream Factory.