Film

The 50 Hottest Jewish Men On Earth

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Circumcision has never been so sexy.

This rundown chooses the 50 hottest, but I’ll focus on the top eight, since–in the immortal words of Betty Buckley–eight is enough.

They are:

(8) Adam Garfield. The super-hot Spider-Man casts a wide web. I can only imaginarium what his Parnassus looks like.

(7) Adam Levine. I would enjoy being marooned with him, even if he only has five.

(6) Jake Gyllenhall. Half Swedish, half Jewish, all man.

(5) Ryan Braun. I don’t know of anyone in sports, but I suddenly would like to.

(4) Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I can’t even think of a joke. I just love him. Such a dollface, bubbe.

(3) Yonata Wedman. So a model is hot looking! Big surprise! (I’m serious. A lot of them ain’t really that cute.)

(2) James and Dave Franco. Hey, this half/Swedish/half Jewish thing really gets results. They should send millions of Jews to Sweden and force them to impregnate.

And the wiener…

(1) Boxing champ Ilya Grad (pictured above).

Woof. A total knockout. Oy.

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