Circumcision has never been so sexy.
This rundown chooses the 50 hottest, but I’ll focus on the top eight, since–in the immortal words of Betty Buckley–eight is enough.
(8) Adam Garfield. The super-hot Spider-Man casts a wide web. I can only imaginarium what his Parnassus looks like.
(7) Adam Levine. I would enjoy being marooned with him, even if he only has five.
(6) Jake Gyllenhall. Half Swedish, half Jewish, all man.
(5) Ryan Braun. I don’t know of anyone in sports, but I suddenly would like to.
(4) Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I can’t even think of a joke. I just love him. Such a dollface, bubbe.
(3) Yonata Wedman. So a model is hot looking! Big surprise! (I’m serious. A lot of them ain’t really that cute.)
(2) James and Dave Franco. Hey, this half/Swedish/half Jewish thing really gets results. They should send millions of Jews to Sweden and force them to impregnate.
And the wiener…
(1) Boxing champ Ilya Grad (pictured above).
Woof. A total knockout. Oy.