Earlier this week, a high school in Connecticut made the decision to ban Odd Future t-shirts. This is the biggest attack on civil liberties since everybody on Facebook was peer-pressured to change their profile pictures to an ugly = sign to avoid looking like a LGBT-hating asshole. Odd Future t-shirts should never be banned, especially within the realm of academia. Because Odd Future t-shirts teach lessons that transcend even the most prestigious institutions of higher learning. And government. And life. Let’s take a look at a few.
It is important to know that Radio Shack still exists. It doesn’t matter that Radio Shack always looks like it was just robbed or that Radio Shack still sells beepers or that Radio Shack isn’t a Shack of Radios at all, but a store you forgot about in the back of your local mall. This is exactly why this Odd Future Shirt is so important. Odd Future wants to teach you to remember the past and to implement all that you have learned from it in the odd future. They also want you to know that anyone can be employee of the month at Radio Shack.
High School cafeterias across the country like trying to convince kids that hot dogs are good. They are not good. Hot dogs are terrible and they are angry. They’ve been mixed with every sort of repulsive animal body part — lips and assholes, mostly — and are fashioned into a phallic tube of angst. They want revenge. Odd Future understands this and commends their shank-in-hand pursuit of justice. Buy this shirt to show your solidarity with the hot dog before the revolution. Before it’s too late.
Far too many young adults don’t realize how great being high is until it’s too late to enjoy it. Odd Future doesn’t want you to miss out. The high life is the only life worth living. Additionally, wearing this shirt while high serves as a very stylish disclaimer to all those whom you come in contact with while wandering around your home/school/office/city for food.
One of the most debilitating aspects of the educational system is the degree to which the boundaries of what is “possible” and what is “impossible” are enforced. Our imaginations are chastised and deemed inappropriate. But Odd Future knows that this is not the correct path to enlightenment. The correct path to enlightenment is dolphins made out of balloons. Odd Future know dolphins made out of balloons might exist. Odd Future also know that if dolphins made out of balloons do exist, there’s an equal chance of them being a friend or foe (probably foe). But who cares? They are beautiful anyway and belong on t-shirts in public view.
Sometimes it’s hard to break out. Whether you’re a student trudging through books and papers for an A. Whether you’re an employee giving it your all for a promotion. Or whether you’re just really high and a hot air balloon ride seems like a nice idea, Odd Future wants you to know that it’s always an option. Of the many things that hot air balloons symbolize, flaunting yourself high above the masses and laughing at your disproportionate success is one of them. Odd Future wants you to get that A or that Employee of the Month or that extra bong hit, because if you inhale on your dreams long enough, you can join them up in the clouds one day.
Odd Future, above anything else, is a philosophical collection of diverse scholars. As such, they have the right to analyze and criticize religion. In this t-shirt they ask several striking questions — why is St. Peter’s Cross such a shocking image to the mainstream? Why wasn’t St. Peter’s Cross bedazzled? Can WE bedazzle St. Peter’s Cross and sell it as a t-shirt? Why is “St. Peter’s Cross” such a bad ass name and can someone with it please join Odd Future or, at the very least, MellowHype?
High School sexual education does a really shitty job of teaching sexual education. Odd Future know this, and want to help by showing people that all sexual relationships basically come down to cheeseburgers and milkshakes. If the sex goes well, it should feel as great as a yummy cheeseburger and/or milkshake. If the sex does not go well, you will feel better about it if you buy a yummy cheeseburger and/or milkshake afterwards. Odd Future explains weeks of sexual education in one T-shirt, and in a way that the current academic institutions of the United States are too terrified to acknowledge.
Van Gogh cut off his ear for his art. SO WHAT? The members of Odd Future are willing to cut off their noses for us, so that we can double our sensory perception and look really fucking cool while doing so.
Most people believe that cats are supposed to eat cat food. This is a tragedy. Cats eat rainbows, just like the humblest of Keebler Elves or the strongest My Little Pony. Odd Future is fighting against the stigmatization of cats as boring, cynical, and often violent creatures. Odd Future want you to know that cats can be really fucking awesome if you give them the right drugs and doses — I mean rainbows – -Odd Future wants you to know that cats can be really fucking awesome if you feed them rainbows, so go try it! No one else will tell you this crucial info.
This t-shirt is the most important t-shirt in the Odd Future collection. Not only is it signed by every member of the group, it communicates the strongest message of all — “Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers, motherfucker!” The American educational system likes to coddle its students with false hopes for a future that no longer exists. The future that exists is an odd future, in which it’s OK to steal things and write ransom notes on yourself about it without fear of retribution. And there will also probably be lots of unemployment and sadness and revolution, so buy this shirt now before money loses all of its meaning to civil society.