Should You Post That to Facebook? A Handy Guide


Facebook can be a tricky place. Home to over-sharers and extroverts, the social network can get pretty weird for the rest of us. It seems as if no one ever asks, “Should I post this to Facebook?” before posting. To help, we’ve asked that question for you, along with reasons why you should–or shouldn’t–publish that status update.

“My daughter just put on the performance of her young life in the school play!”

Should you post about it on Facebook? NO

First and foremost, your daughter doesn’t want you posting anything about her on Facebook. In fact, she doesn’t even want you on Facebook. What are you doing there? Your mere presence is an embarrassment. Buy her a bouquet of flowers and weepily tell her “brava” after the show–at least that embarrassment will be confined to the school theater.

“I just got promoted!”

Should you post about it on Facebook? NO

Congratulations, seriously. Now shut the hell up. You know what the reward of getting promoted is? Here’s a hint: It’s not likes and half-hearted congratulatory comments. It’s more money. Take the cash and zip it.

“My significant other and I just broke up.”

Should you post about it on Facebook? NO

You’re in a lose-lose situation here. On one hand, this is a torturous time for you and you feel like exploding in grief. On the other, any comments you make on Facebook will make everyone really uncomfortable. Go ahead and bottle those emotions up deep inside … your Facebook friends will thank you.

“I’m on vacation!”

Should you post about it on Facebook? NO

Don’t worry, your friends know what the Eiffel Tower looks like.

“I just made myself a delicious dinner!”

Should you post about it on Facebook? NO

Unless the person is close enough to grab a fork and taste your meal, they couldn’t care less about your lamb, broccoli, and brown rice.

That grub looks nasty as hell, anyway.

“I’m at a sporting event!”

Should you post about it on Facebook? NO

You know how Chatroulette started using software that identified and blocked anything that looked like a penis? Facebook needs to use similar technology to prevent people from posting blurry photos of jumbotrons.

“I just bought a new car!”

Should you post about it on Facebook? NO

Look at you! Kneeling in your driveway in front of your new ride. And there you are again! Sitting behind the drivers wheel, lookin’ cool. Wow, is that GPS? Leather interior? Sport package?

Everyone hopes it gets keyed, you know.

“We’re having a baby!”

Should you post about it on Facebook? Ugh, sure, I guess–but really NO

This is probably the most important moment of your life. Everything is about to change; what could be more exciting? Soon, you are going to have a son or daughter and your whole focus as a human will be shifted towards them. This is why you should get the hell off of Facebook and go outside while you still can. In nine months you’ll be posting status updates of first steps, first words, and first BMs. Enjoy your life while you have it.

If you aren’t supposed to post to Facebook about the most defining moment of your life, then what are you supposed to publish to Facebook? Glad you asked. This leads us to the one and only thing you are ever allowed to post:

“We just got a dog!”

Aw, look at that little guy! Post more, please!