Three Amazingly Titled Projects I Must Do Immediately


Paper mag’s Mickey Boardman and I have come up with three can’t-lose works that are so flawlessly titled they should immediately get mounted like dogs in heat. Here they are:

*Guy and Dahl. A two-person show starring glam rocker Miss Guy and author Tessa Dahl. I don’t even care what they do, I just know the title will sell like gluten-free hotcakes.

*Lets Say Bye To Bi-Polar Icecaps. Again, the name is so great, who cares what’s actually in it? Make it a plea for saving the emotionally disturbed environment and it’ll surely collect some Oscars. And even if it doesn’t!

Poesey In Motion. Alluring actresses Clemence Poesy and Parker Posey play a game of mirror while ever so slowly spinning around in a circle. Can you just imagine the haunting beauty? (Subtitle: A Pocketful of Poesies.)

Wait, there’s more I just thought of.

Lincoln Park, about Abe Lincoln learning how to drive.

Jewel of the Nile with Alaskan singer Jewel starring as Cleopatra.

I’m Totally Shellfish, an animated reality show about a narcissistic clam.

Four Channings Four starring Channing Tatum, Stockard Channing, Carol Channing, and Lauren Bacall as Margo Channing.

Bridge of Psy’s, a show about the Korean rapper and how he creates bridges between his verses and choruses.

All right, I’ll stop now.