10 Class Title Suggestions for David Petraeus, Who Will Be Teaching at CUNY

This week, City University of New York announced that it would be bringing on an exciting new staff member: former CIA Director David Petraeus, who has been named “Visiting Professor of Public Policy” and will start in August.

But what exactly will Petraeus be teaching? Public policy is a pretty broad topic. With respect for what Dr. Petraeus has done to serve our country, but also it being a late Wednesday afternoon, the Village Voice editorial team has brainstormed some class title suggestions.

1. “How to Run Six-Minute Miles While Being Interviewed by a Member of the Press”

This is how Paula Broadwell wrote her book.

2. “Cinema Studies: Why Argo and Zero Dark Thirty Are Modern Classics”

Self-explanatory.

3. “TV Studies: The Problem with Homeland“

This course includes a week on strong female characters with serious professional indiscretions.

4. “Controlled Shmoozing: How to Navigate the Tampa Social Scene”

And gain VIP access to “valet parking, string quartets on the lawn, premium cigars and champagne, and caviar-laden buffets.” [WaPo]

5. “How to Handle an HBO Show Basically Becoming Your Real Life”

Students will need to take “TV Studies: The Problem with ‘Homeland'” as a prerequisite.

6. “Advanced Seminar: No, I Will Not Help You with Your Dissertation on Afghanistan”

Seriously. Just use the Internet.

7. “Situational Awareness 101: Beware Shirtless FBI Agents”

Remember all the weird media hype surrounding this guy?

8. “Tiger Woods: All Things Considered, Not That Bad a Guy”

Though Iraq was a lot harder than the Masters.

9. “How to Make Everyone Everywhere Want Your Surge”

Though, beware: Surges don’t usually end well.

10. “Emerging Domestic Threats in America: Bored Florida Socialites”

Don’t underestimate Floridians. Really.