Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.
Publisher: Infantae Press, Seattle
Discovered at: Brooklyn sidewalk sale
The Cover Promises: “The Magazine for the Adult Baby.” That’s the opposite of Maxim, the magazine for the baby adult.
“What really caught James’ eye was that her ‘KITTEN’ was completely shaved. It was beautiful to him and he felt his manhood grow inside his padded diaper.”
A grubby, stapled zine with a $12 cover price and a look like maybe each page should scrubbed down with baby wipes, this 1991 issue of The Play Pen is remarkable not because of its particular fetish– loaded-diaper cos-play. Instead, it’s remarkable for its editors’ decision to attempt to illustrate that fetish in the medium of dot-matrix computer graphics.
That means that they’re one part spirited obscenity to two parts 1990s office birthday party decorations. Here’s what they came up with:
Most of The Playpen consists of a single 41 page work of fiction titled “Bed Wetters Nightmare.” In it, a young man gets Pampered by a couple of ladies, experiences some humiliating incontinence, eats a lot of mushed peas and vanilla pudding, and just cold goes to town on a nippled bottle.
Here’s the hero:
Capturing the giddy, secret thrill of a diaper fetish in the point-plotted hexes of dot-matrix printing is like trying to craft sensual pornography in needle-point or a corn-maze or an unplugged Lite Brite.
Actually, weirdly, as soon as I thought of that last one I gave “Lite Brite porn” a Google, and, hey, wouldn’t you know, someone already has had a go at making some.
Anyway, here’s where all the excitement happened. People, please think of this next time you invite a date back to “the crib”:
And here is “Sally,” one of the young women with whom our hero gets to some serious linen-soiling.
Before you judge The Play Pen too harshly, please not that the image of a weeping, pigtailed girl with dirty drawers is not at all meant to be representational. She may look like Caddy Compson, but the editors of The Play Pen insist elsewhere in the issue that corporal punishment of the sexy variety is strictly for consenting adults:
Here’s some of those adults now.
Did the illustrator have to solve college algebra point-plotting formulas to place that young man’s pin-prick nipples?
Anyway, this story goes on and on. It ends messy, as it must. Baby needs a Wet-Nap after every wet nap.
Even in 1991, fetishists did not get off on dot-matrix alone. No surprise, then, that the publishers of Play Pen went to the trouble to photograph real-life adult ladies ready for bad-baby madness. The images, touchingly, are pretty much SFW, but your Crap Archivist still felt moved to censor them just a bit: disguising these poor models’ faces.
As always, I have elected to use Colorforms.
Other Studies in Crap columns you might enjoy:
Naked tween essayists and other terrible ideas from mid-90s nudist magazines