Tofu Is Still Torturing People


I just got an invite to a tofu chain restaurant’s new branch opening and was stunned to realize that tofu is still terrorizing our nation.

I’ve been kvetching about the stuff since the days of mother-in-law jokes, certain it would be a passing (non-) fancy along with eating cardboard and/or ostrich burgers with bean sprout relish. And yet it’s still here, and it’s being given more exalted showcases than ever, fancy restaurants serving it in all sorts of visually arresting ways, some for high prices that people will actually spring for.

But it’s still tofu! It’s bean curd!

It’s bland stuff that might well be “good for you” (like spinach or working out) and which might well come in thousands of varieties aimed at jazzing it up to look like something else, but there’s no escaping the fact that it’s bland, white, yucky tofu! The same shit from the ’70s.

Yes, the culture around the thing is exciting and the intentions around it are lovely, but the tofu itself can never be turned into anything that would make a sensible person go “Yum!” no matter how much culinary legedermain is performed. I say phooey to tofu. I flip bean curd the bird.

Bok choy, however….