Why Kanye and Kim Named Their Baby North


Well, it happened. We knew it would be crazy and annoying and that we’d talk and tweet and giggle about it anyway. Kim and Kanye named their baby North. North West. For those of you who arrived here by simply googling ” WHYYYYYYYYYYY?,” here are our most reasoned and intelligent guesses.

To Help Her Compete With Blue Ivy Carter

Beyonce and Jay-Z set the Crazy-Celebrity-Baby-Name bar a little bit higher last January with the birth of (previous-)newest Illuminati Overseer, Blue Ivy Carter. After the initial whirlwind of Internet criticism died down, most people acknowledged that Blue Ivy Carter was a pretty Bad Ass Name. As such, Kanye and Kim had no choice but to name their child something just as incredible, unexpected, and shamelessly publicity-stunty. But following Bey and Jay’s decision to compose their child’s name from their most successful “business” ventures would get Child Protective Services called on their asses immediately. Choosing any name that started with the letter “K” would trigger a national sea of vomit. Naming (trademarking?) their child a direction was literally the only way to go in order for their spawn to have a chance of being the coolest kid on the playground and the ability to stomp all the Apple‘s, Seven‘s, Bronx Mowgli‘s and Blue’s off the yard.

To Give Twitter an Opportunity to Do Its Best Work

Nicely done, everyone!

To Remind Kanye That Other Directions Exist

Sometimes it’s difficult for Kanye to remember that it’s possible to look in directions other than “West” and “the mirror.” And anyone who actually listened to the lyrics of Yeezy knows he’s been having some issues with basic grammar and manners. The name of their child is an educational tool/app.

To Reserve Her Spot in the Hipster Music Scene

Kurt Cobain. Jimi Hendrix. Macklemore. Death Cab for Cutie. Sir Mix-a-lot. Kenny G. Matt Dillon in Singles. All of the dopest musicians and bands of all time have hailed from the (Pacific) North West.

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