Every Person, Place, and Thing on Magna Carta Holy Grail: A Checklist


If while listening to Jay-Z’s Magna Carta Holy Grail, you experienced an indescribable sensation that you were actually listening to an encrypted invitation to a very luxurious party with a super exclusive guest list and even more ridiculous gift wish list, you were right!!! We made note of every person, place, thing and movie white people like mentioned on Magna Carta Holy Grail to determine what it all means. (Honestly: no clue.)

See also: No One Cares About Jay-Z’s New Music

VIP Guest List, pt. 1: People Name-Dropped on MCHG

(MC) Hammer, (Mike) Tyson, Blue (Ivy), Jeff Koons, Ricardo Tisci Givenchy, Tom Ford, Robert De Niro, Jack Black, Luciano, Pablo and Popeye, Shepard Fairey, Cassius Clay, Spike Lee, Bun B, Miley Cyrus, Scott Boras, Robinson Cano, Halle Berry, Beyonce, Pharrell, Britney, bitch (Spears), Stevie Wonder, Mr. (Harry) Belafonte, Magic (Johnson), Kareem, Chief Keef, (President Barack) Obama, and Bob Dylan.

Jay-Z is a family man above all else, making sure that his daughter Blue Ivy and his wife Beyonce made the guest list to a party held in his honor. Although his reference to famous outsized artist Jeff Koons should be enough of a hint, he is also a big fan of celebrities who have made themselves into ridiculous caricatures: Jack Black, Mike Tyson, Spike Lee, Miley Cyrus, Obama, etc. Jay-Z wants to spend his retirement party around family and people he is glad are not in his family.

VIP Guest List, pt. 2: Dead People Name-Dropped on MCHG

Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson, Pablo Picasso, Rothko, Jean Michel Basquiat, (Andy) Warhol, Wayne Perry, Leonardo Da Vinci, Christopher Wallace (Notorious B.I.G), (George) Washington, Jesus, Muhammad, Malcolm (X), Frank Sinatra, 2Pac, Richard Burn, Gianni (Versace), Elvis, Johnny Cash, Mr. Day O, and Stanley Kubrick.

The list of dead celebrities and cultural giants Jay-Z mentions are so diverse they literally span from Jesus to Muhammad and Biggie to 2Pac. If Jay-Z is interested in world peace and a career in politics, it seems he could pull it off.

The Shit List: Evil Corporations and Institutions Mentioned on MCHG

The IRS, BP, the Illuminati, and the FBI.

Although, you could make the case–since they run the IRS, BP and the FBI–the Illuminati being on this list is redundant.

Location: Places Mentioned on MCHG

The streets, my lobby, the corner store, a casa, a castle, a brothel, dirty hotel, condos in my condos, the MoMa, the Art Basel, the Met, the Lourve, the Tate Modern, my kitchen counter, the booth, Paris, District of Columbia, Tumblr, Africa, Europe, Rome, Caesar’s Home, the Ivory Coast, Hermes, the boat deck, the projects, estates, the world, Flatbush, Red Hook, Pasadena, Compton, Oxford, the Knicks Game, Instagram, Heaven, Marrakesh, Morocco, South Side of Chi(cago), my beach, the Darby, 1 Oak, Giza, Ibiza, the Eiffel Tower, the Hamptons, the rodeo, Emory, Havana, Atlanta, White House, Universal (Studios), Brooklyn, Houston, Cuba, and China.

For the simpleton, Magna Carta Holy Grail just sounds like a long-winded and arrogant itinerary of places that Jay-Z has gone. It sounds that way to the scholar too. (We asked a few.)

The Gift List: Expensive Things Mentioned on MCHG

Marble floors, gold ceilings, twin Bugattis, champagne, the Mona Lisa, a yellow Basquiat, a Hubolt (watch), a Lambo, Riesling, tuxes, weird clothes, a Concorde, jewelry, diamonds, stuff, a bitch whip, a Lamborghini Countach, a piano, satin sheets, an elephant tusk, a Mercedes, a white tuxedo, Cocaine, a white boat, a white robe, a (Mercedes) Maybach, black leather pants, a pair of Stance, Jordan Packs, a yellow Lambo, a white Lexus, Sonos, a Crown, bulletproof glass, a bottom grill, a gold chalice, pearly gates, a (Lamborghini) Diablo, a black hour glass, D’USSE, Ray Bans, a box of L’s, Bally shoes, Gucci sneakers, 3 TV’s, rope chains, Coupes, a Cherry (BMW) M3, a Teflon Q45, Versace, a Mac-11, Guayabera shirts, and The Nets.

Jay-Z has very particular and expensive tastes. Reminds us of that age-old question dropped on Dr. Dre’s “Ed-ucation” back in the day. Word to Eddie Griffin.

Entertainment: Shows and Movies White People Like Mentioned on MCHG

Oceans 11, Homeland, Eyes Wide Shut, and Zoolander.

We just imagine Jay and Kanye laying stomach down on a king sized bed with their lil feets up having a slumber party where they watch Zoolander and The Waterboy. Because, at the end of the day, the two are totally normal and relatable guys.

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