There’s attempted rape, and then there’s attempted rape that’s funny, according to one Central Park “prankster.” Twenty-one-year-old Saul Alvarez was arraigned Thursday for forcibly dragging a woman in Central Park to the ground in what he describes as a practical joke back in June. Face, meet palm. Over and over and over.
According to court documents, Alvarez looked into the victim’s eyes and it “made me think that she had a good sense of humor and she would be a good person to play the prank on.” Alvarez thought that was reason enough to plead not guilty to attempted rape in the first degree.
Other larks in Alvarez’s repertory: replacing skateboard wheels with marshmallows and switching out someone’s coffee for water. If we looked up “creativity” in the dictionary, we’d surely see Alvarez’s photo staring back at us. Those eyes must say “help.”
Alvarez is being held on $75,000 bail. His next court appearance is scheduled for September 12. Runnin’ Scared is now taking over-unders on the number of minutes it takes before the judge laughs in his face.