Bey vs. Biebs: Beyonce and Justin Bieber Face Off at Separate Concerts Tonight


Tonight, Beyoncé plays the Izod Center, while Justin Bieber is performing at Newark’s Prudential Center. Damn it, bookers, aren’t you supposed to research this type of thing? Faced with a choice of this magnitude, we’re surprised we haven’t seen the heads of pop fans spontaneously exploding all over the city, as they try and figure out who to see tonight. Why doesn’t someone just go ahead and organize an impromptu Lady Gaga concert in Central Park this evening, just to really push everyone over the edge?

See also: The Very Intentional Self-Destruction of Justin Bieber

So, on the off-chance that you’ve not yet made your decision about who should provide tonight’s entertainment (and the assumption that you don’t know Bey has three shows at Barclays Center over the weekend), we wanted to break down what you’re getting with both of these stars, to figure out who’s gonna give you more bang for your buck.

Both are consummate onstage professionals, as is evidenced by candid videos of the two soldiering on through tough conditions:

(a) Beyoncé getting her hair stuck in a fan and continuing to sing like she isn’t surrounded by large men attempting to pull her hair out.

(b) Justin Bieber puking his little heart out onstage, while wearing a microphone attached to his face. We hope they had a spare one somewhere …

Both also keep cool when even worse things happen to their bodies onstage. Like when:

(a) Beyoncé had her butt slapped by a Danish asshole mid-performance. She did turn around and tell him she would have him escorted out of there. She didn’t, however, kick him in the face or use any curse words. That’s an insane level of lady-like decorum, if you ask us …

(b) Bieber rolled his ankle weirdly during the last song of a sold out performance in London and carried on singing like he hadn’t just fractured his ankle. Which he had. The kid barely even flinches!

See also: Justin Bieber in 2014: A Timeline

As for stage costumes…

Bieber either can’t keep his pants up or wears shit that makes him look like he’s concealing a full diaper down there, and Beyonce’s not embarrassed to show off her assets either.

Who will you be sitting next to at these shows?

Beyonce’s Beyhive

See also: The Comments on Beyoncé’s Instagram in Support of Gay Marriage Are Very Mature

or Bieber’s Beliebers …

See also: Beliebers on One Direction: “They’re Nothing”

As for the music, it’s going to look a little something like this:

Bieber: Straight ahead pop songs, exposed chest, bouncy dancers …

Or Beyoncé: R&B sass, endless legs, feisty dancers ..

Whether your evening turns out to be bootilicious or swaggy swag, enjoy.
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