Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, flea markets, and–just this one time–old, forgotten websites.
“Anne of Green Gables has appeared in popular costume play series,” announces the English version of the priceless cat dress-up web-site Pet Office Cat Prin, right next to this photo of a white tabby dressed up as TV’s Rhoda.
The site continues: “The cat which became a hood figure is likely to have a broom at any moment, and is likely to begin cleaning.”
So it goes at Cat Prin, the site that bills itself “The tailor of a cat” and sells a “frog transformation set” that is “made from bright green felt cloth, and the big eye of a frog is attached.”
Regarding that frog, the Cat Prin copywriters add, helpfully, “Even if it takes, it is finished to the pop impression. Please observe the leg fin wound around a head. Since it can equip also with a hat and head volume on a piece of Velcro, attachment and detachment are easy!”
Note the flat, darling declarative statement: “I am a frog.”
And then note this even stranger declarative:
I can make sense of some of the translation strangeness, here, especially confusion of articles or the funny ways “dear” means “lovely” and “circumference of head” at times just means “head.” But what in the hell is that supposed to mean?
Next up: “Cats to become a rabbit should gather immediately now here”!
There’s even magic in the site’s “top” button, here called “* * which returns to the head of a page.”
Sometimes, the Cat Prin folks offer odd reassurances: “A cat will not be felt cold if the circumference of a head is warm. You will tie an attached ribbon gently.”
Perhaps fearing that these marvelous photos aren’t enough to win customers over, Cat Prin lays out the case for why you should encourage feline cosplay:
You need to dress a cat. And you will say to a cat together with a family. “It has changed just for a moment”. [ “it being very dear” or ] You will pass pleasant one.time
That’s underselling it, of course–these outfits look like they’d help you and Puss pass more than just one pleasant time. (All quotes, of course, as [SIC].)
Here they oversell instead. Did you know that the world has but one “great cat”? And that that great cat can really rock a springtime blouse?
They also know what all discriminating kitties look for in a necktie: maximum foppishness.
You must go to the site and read for yourself, if your eyeballs can handle it through the inevitable tears of pleasure. Here, finally, are my favorite stray quotes from this incredible discovery, certainly the apex of all online culture:
If a sailor color is worn, a cat will disguise itself wisely!
The “young lady blouse” born for the national young lady cat. It plays an active part in easy dressing up, such as the time of a party.
Dress a cat only with shawl. Shawl achieves the duty of a foppish muffler.
The collar to which the dear decoration was attached dresses up your cat gorgeously.
If a family and a cat become fortunate, you will take a commemorative photo! Therefore, please photo your cat lovelily with much trouble.
More:Studies in Crap