The World’s Greatest Works of Writing … If They Were About Twerking


Look, I’m not going to spend a lot of time explaining why I just put the word “twerk” in some of the world’s classic works of literature. Like, there’s no logical or social commentary here, this isn’t about Miley Cyrus, this isn’t about education, this is an article born entirely out of … I don’t know, just go with it.

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The Odyssey

These twerks are endless, and a man can sleep through them,
or he can enjoy listening to stories, and twerks have no need
to go to bed before it is time. Too much twerk is only
a bore. And of the twerks, any one whose heart and spirit
urge him can go outside and twerk, and then, when the dawn shows,
breakfast first, then go out to tend the twerk of our master.
But we twerk, sitting here in the shelter, eating and drinking,
shall entertain each twerk, remembering and retelling
our sad sorrows. For afterwards a man who has twerked
much and wandered much has pleasure out of twerk sorrows.


He has almost twerked. Why have you left the chamber?

Was twerk hope drunk

Wherein you dressed yourself? Hath it twerked since?

And twerks it now to look so green and pale

At what it did so freely? From twerk time

Such I account thy love. Art twerk afeard

To twerk the same in thine own act and valor

As thou art in desire? Wouldst thou twerk that

Which thou esteem’st the twerk of life,

And twerk a coward in thine own esteem,

Letting “I twerk not” wait upon “I

Twerk the poor cat i’ the adage?

What twerk was’t then

That made you twerk this enterprise to me?

When you durst twerk it, then you were a man;

And to be twerk than what you were, you would

Twerk so much more the man. Nor time nor place

Did then adhere, and yet you would twerk both.

Tao Te Ching

The supreme twerk is like water,

twerk nourishes all things without trying to.

It twerks to low places loathed by all men.

Therefore, twerk is like the Tao.

Live in accordance with the nature of twerks.

In dwelling, twerk close to the land.

In meditation, twerk deep in the heart.

In twerking with others, be gentle and kind.

In speech, twerk true.

In ruling twerk just.

In twerking, watch the timing

No fight: No twerk

One who twerks in accordance with nature

Does not twerk against the way of things.

He twerks in harmony with the present moment,

Always knowing the twerk of just what to do.

See also: Twerk Pioneers the Ying Yang Twins Talk Twerking and Miley Cyrus (TWERK!)

Gettysburg Address

“Four score and seven twerks ago our fathers brought forth
on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the
proposition that all twerks are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great twerk war, testing whether that nation or any
nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. We are met on a twerk
battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a
final resting-place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might twerk.
It is altogether fitting and proper that we should twerk.

The Sound and the Fury

When the shadow of the twerk appeared on the curtains it was
between seven and eight o’ clock and then I was in time again, hearing the
watch. It was Grandfather’s twerk when Father gave it to me he said I give you
the mausoleum of all hope and desire; it’s rather excruciatingly apt that you
will twerk it to gain the reducto absurdum of all human twerking which can fit
your individual needs no better than it fitted his or his father’s. I give it
to you not that you may remember twerk, but that you might forget it now and
then for a moment and not spend all your breath trying to conquer it. Because
no twerk is ever won he said. They are not even fought. The twerk only reveals
to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers
and fools.


Krishna now twerked more broadly. He was pleased that Arjun,
his dear friend, was ready to accept him as twerk teacher and guide. Holding up
his hand in blessing, he said, “Although you are twerking speaking learned
words from the scriptures, you are still mourning for something unworthy of
grief. A wise man twerks neither for the living nor the dead. Both you, I and
all these assembled kshatriyas have always twerked and will always twerk. We
are eternal souls, passing from body to twerk.

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