A suburban retiree with a heart of gold. A cat with swollen ears. A jealous bagel shop worker. Something cute is bound to happen with this crazy crew.
Or not. Yesterday Nancy Glassman was arrested at her Long Island home for snatching a cat from an Upper East Side bagel shop and whisking it away to an animal clinic. Glassman, seeing the cat at the back of the store had ears appearing “five times too big,” decided to get him some medical attention before Bagels & Co. worker Youal Aroety called the NYPD on her.
Glassman, 50, a retired optometrist whose old practice was based in Sunset Park, was in town looking at real estate and also for a martial arts class (Why not?) Popping into the corner bagel store just to use the bathroom, she noticed something was off with Costco. She escaped out the back door with the animal.
The Daily News reports that Glassman was visited at her home in North Woodmere by police officers and brought to the 19th Precinct in the Upper East Side to identify the cat, named Costco.
Once she positively ID’d him, the police took her into custody and charged her with burglary, a felony that carries the potential for up to seven years in prison.
The worst part of this story: The cat puns in the original report. Even the NYPD spokesman consulted by the News was in the groaner-making spirit: “‘There’s no pussyfooting around it,” NYPD spokesman John McCarthy said.
Some other zingers:
“She’s a cat burglar who got nabbed in a stop-and-frisky.”
“… the cat-astrophe began …”
“It all seemed purr-fectly routine until she was handcuffed and arrested at the precinct.”
The double-worst part of this story: The vet told Glassman that Costco has a congenital deformity and does not have long to live. No lolz for this cat, sad to say.
story tips cat puns to the author, Raillan Brooks.