This past Saturday September 28, dumpling lovers, competitive eaters, and passersby feeding their doughy impulses gathered at the northernmost edge of Sara D. Roosevelt Park to celebrate the humble foodstuff’s proud and global history. Sponsored by Brooklyn manufacturer Tang’s Natural, Fairway Market, the Voice, and others, the 10th anniversary of this noble event expected to bring in thousands of dollars for the Food Bank For New York City.
Once inside the festival area, it was all dumplings all the time. Children and adults alike wrapped their arms around Tang’s mascot Mama Dumpling. My girlfriend was a mascot once, and she said that even on cool days those suits feel like 100 degrees (or 98 degrees if you love you some Lachey). In addition to traditional jiaozi pot stickers, there were ravioli, empanadas, sumptuous butter dumplings, and pierogies among the offerings. There was even a giant alien-like MegaDumplingTM, which I, the other dumpling-eating contest judges, and several other honorees cut through with a large knife. The dense floury beast split in two to reveal a litter of baby dumplings, like a gruesome anthropomorphic sacrifice. Please say it wasn’t a cousin of Mama Dumpling. The crowd ate it up (not literally, as far as we know the MegaDumplingTM was just for show).
When it came time to judge the dumpling eating contest, I was somewhat concerned. Competitive eating never really drew me in, but I was curious. Maybe in this crazy world of cronuts and ramen burgers, I’d become so desensitized to shocking imagery that seeing completely good dumplings decimated and ingested with ungodly fervor wouldn’t phase me in the slightest. Boy was I wrong. It is rough seeing the carnage wrought by these brave men and women. Dumpling skins scattered across the table, it is indeed a battlefield. You have to hand it the contestants for setting out to do something truly impressive and all in the name of charity.
For a report on the winners, see the next page.
Three heats of eight competitors each (separated by gender) gorged on dumplings for two minutes straight to booming, poppy electronic grooves. When all was said and done, it was Molly Schuyler who shattered the previous record and even beat all the boys with an insane-sounding 90 dumplings consumed. The Nebraska native said that she was “bored, so I came to New York.” In truth, she’s the #1 ranked female independent competitive eater. Girlfriend was snacking on dumplings as she walked off the stage. The top male eater, one James “The Bear” McDonald, ate 86 dumplings. Both eaters took home $2000 for their troubles. Last year’s champion David “Tiger Wings ‘n’ Things” Brunelli, who had previously defeated seven-year champion Joe Menchetti, placed third. Full results below.
1st Place – James “The Bear” McDonald, 86 dumplings
2nd Place – David “Tiger Wings n Things” Brunelli, 72 Dumplings
3rd Place – Patrick “Deepdish” Bertoletti, 71 Dumplings
1st Place – Molly Schuyler, 90 dumplings
2nd Place – Stephanie “Xanadu” Torres, 66 dumplings
3rd Place – Floria Lee, 43 dumplings