Donald Trump Hints at Run for President, Will Definitely Win This Time


The painful shutdown of the federal government has made one thing all too clear: This country needs better leadership. Leadership only an enraged, self-aggrandizing cantaloupe can provide. Now, where could we find one of—oh hey, here’s Donald Trump, hinting clumsily on Twitter again that he’ll be running for president in 2016. To the Delusion Mobile!

– See also: Here’s Donald Trump Losing It on Twitter After the New York Attorney General Sued His Ridiculous Faux University

Trump is highly upset over Obamacare and the government shutdown, which offend his sense of patriotic duty and makes him suspect that people might be paying attention to something other than him. He and a bunch of people we can’t quite believe are real have decided that he’s the only four-time bankruptcy-filer who can turn this ship around. And although his presidential campaign in 2012 didn’t take off—or even, you know, actually happen at all—this time it definitely, definitely will.

He’s interspersing those retweets with some helpful, non-vapid insights on the state of the nation:

On Fox News on Monday, where Trump is taken seriously as a human being, he also opined that everything would be better if the two parties played golf together a little more.

Can we just hurry up and elect this man president now? How about President for Life? In the meantime, tune into Trump’s Twitter feed, where he’ll surely have more important thoughts on geopolitical strategy, along with tips on how to care for one’s own luxuriant, natural, soft, silky hair.