We’ve been really busy the past couple days covering the mayoral election, and yet it somehow managed to slip by the whole news team that the age of progressivist communistic terror is upon us. Bill de Blasio is mayor, and soon we’ll all be metaphorically and perhaps literally enslaved. Luckily, Glenn Beck is here with the solution. Not for New Yorkers, bunch of nanny-state-loving namby-pambies that we are, but for the rest of the state. That solution: they should secede. Yes. The state. Should secede. From the city. Stay with him on this one.
From Beck’s high-tech bunker in suburban North Texas, the onetime New Yorker devoted a good chunk of his radio show yesterday to Mayor-elect Bill de Blasio’s acceptance speech. In it, Beck saw dark harbingers of a totalitarian government in a city “that has gone insane.”
“You wait,” he added, “You won’t be able to travel to that city soon. New York will become the next Detroit, if you don’t stop it at some point.”
“I contend that Rudy Giuliani was a strongman and that’s what New Yorkers like,” he told his co-hosts. “Somebody who’s gonna take care of them.”
It’s clear that Beck’s main beef with de Blasio is all that rhetoric about income inequality. But a lot of Beck’s tangents on that front are nonsensical word salad, a collection of clichés and adverbs strung together with the names of the Founding Fathers. A representative sample from the show, not included in the transcript on his website:
[De Blasio] says the defining argument, the defining question of our time is in the inequality, and who’s going to make it fair for everybody. I don’t think that’s the defining argument of our time. I really don’t. I think the defining argument of our time is, are we actually going to renew the promise — without the slavery question — I keep going back to the 1820s, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams; it’s gonna fail, yes it is. But when it does, the people are going to see what we’re trying to do, and they’re going to do it better. … So the real defining argument of our day is, is this the era of the individual or not? Is the next hundred years or possibly 500 years even more free? Where people are really allowed to explore and really allowed to take diverse paths and rule their own life and be able to say, “You know what? I don’t have your Harvard education. I educated myself, and look what I can do.”
Before we all adjourn for a dose of migraine medication and some time in a darkened room to process what just happened to the English language there, we’ll cut right to Beck’s main point: De Blasio’s election is a disastrous triumph of Communism, and it means that New York City will somehow bankrupt the rest of the state.
“[W]hen it comes to de Blasio, the guy is a Communist,” Beck explains. “That was out. Everybody knew. In New York, you have no excuse. This guy is going to make your life a living hell. For anybody who is working in New York and is too young to have lived through New York in the 1970s, do yourself a favor, go ahead and do some research on what it was like to live in New York before Rudy Guiliani.”
As for the rest of New York state, he adds, “You are now going to pay for all of New York [City’s] problems. You are going to pay for this. … This is a city that has gone insane, and you are going to be held responsible for it. If I were in New York state right now, I would be filing for a motion to secede from New York City. And I know the state doesn’t usually do that — usually it goes the other way around. But I think you should say, ‘New York, you can be your own state because [the city is] going to bleed you dry.'”
It’s true. States don’t usually secede from cities. We can’t think why no one’s ever attempted it before. Once again, Glenn Beck strides in to save the Republic.
Here’s a longer clip from Beck’s website, in case you need to absorb that wisdom again:
Send your story tips to the author, Anna Merlan.