We covered a lot of music ground in 2013. You loved all of it (especially if the word “douchiest” was in the title). But some stories were more read than others. Here now, our 20 most popular posts of the year, 10 – 1. Thanks for reading, and see you next year!!
“Overall, metal in 2013 was remarkably healthy, with progenitors Black Sabbath topping the Billboard chart for the first time in their long career, and many hundreds of worthy heavy music albums fomented in dark depths of metal minds. All art is valid, even if it’s made by Monster Magnet in 2013. Let’s do this.”
“And while we worship plenty of drummers in modern music, there are some Gods of Thunder who might actually deserve to be struck by lightning. It’s only natural that having the biggest instrument in the band will lead to some smug attitudes, inflated egos and dumbass behavior.”
“Last Halloween Alice Cooper was guest editor of this blog. We’ve just now gotten the blood out of the carpet. The smell of sulfur still remains. And though he left the place a wreck, afterward we went trick-or-treating with him through the Lower East Side. He murdered the first person unlucky enough to give him Candy Corn. This year, to avoid a similar mishap, we asked what Halloween candy won’t send Cooper into a blind rage.”
“Imagine for a moment that your job’s sole requirement was to make live bands sound great every night. Pretty awesome right? Late nights, live music, and an endless supply of nightlife encapsulate a typical day at the office. Then after actually doing it for a few minutes you start to realize something: being a sound guy, even a good one, is typically the most thankless job in the entertainment industry.”
“New York has a very rich history of strong contributions to heavy music. While the NYHC pioneers get worshipped (and justly so), New York often gets overlooked in discussions of other influential heavy music scenes. Our below choices for the Top 20 New York Hardcore and Metal Albums of All-Time will hopefully get those discussions going again, with New York getting the proper respect it deserves this time.”
When it comes to metal, Jon Wiederhorn and Katherine Turman are–and we don’t use this word lightly–experts. They’re the authors of Louder Than Hell: The Definitive Oral History of Metal, the unbelievably thorough tome we excerpted on our cover last month. You could say they literally wrote the book on metal. So we locked the two in a room with a bottle of brown liquor and didn’t let them out until they’d ranked the ten most important/best metal records of all time–Ten Metal Albums to Hear Before You Die. Feel free to tell them they’re wrong.
“Yesterday, in what turned out to be a (NO SHIT!?) dunderheaded PR move, the intellectual stalwarts running the R. Kelly Twitter account (remember, Kelly is illiterate) decided it would be a good idea to start a hashtag game called #AskRKelly. The results were as disastrous as you’d expect they might’ve been, with the added awful bonus no one asked for of CNN anchors laughing at tweets referencing statutory rape. We sifted through the rubble of the Twitter aftermath. It’s a shame Kelly can’t read these.”
“But when you’re a world-class guitar player and you know it, there’s a fine line between sexy and, well, douchey. You know, that rocker who poses on his knees for just a little too long, gives us just a little too much “O” face during every solo and is hell bent to show us all how many guitars he/she can play at once.”
“Since the birth of hip-hop, male rappers have been bringing their unique viewpoint to the art of rhyme. Today, we’re shining some long overdue light on their important contributions to rap. We’re proud to present our list of the 10 finest male rappers, from the smoking-hot hardbodies to the true lyrical innovators.”
“The saddest fact I’ve learned is nobody matters less to our society than young black women. Nobody.”